Once again the lyrics of a song reflect well what is going on within me. As the time for me to leave Ghana draws closer and closer, my heart is a little heavier and the emotions are sitting right at the surface. Is it possible to be actually torn in two by conflicting emotions? Excitement and sadness, anticipation and fear, peace and doubt, eagerness and uncertainty...all jumbled together. I am so glad that God can make sense of that jumble and comfort me in just the way that is needed at the moment. I certainly don't have all the answers as to why I am leaving...at all, now...but He does. I will probably never know all the reasons, maybe some of them but He is trustworthy and faithful so I leave the whys with Him. Somewhere down the road it will make sense.

"Why, why, why
Does it go this way
Why, why, why
And all I can say is

Somewhere down the road
There'll be answers to the questions
Somewhere down the road
Though we cannot see it now
Somewhere down the road
You will find mighty arms reaching for you
And they will hold the answers at the end of the road"

Amy Grant

I am sure many of you can see by now that most of my thinking and writing comes in the morning. I just wake up with thoughts flowing through my mind. Probably too tired in the evening to put a coherent sentence together.

Yesterday Michelle and I went to the pool together at a near-by hotel. No kids, no visitors, just me and her. Very nice and relaxing. I will miss being able to pay a day rate to go to these nice hotel pools and hang out for the day. It has become something special to me and usually I find it very relaxing. Yesterday most of our time there was relaxing until this young Ghanaian man came in and caused a ruckus. Apparently the day rate had gone up one cedi since the last time he had been at this pool and he didn't know it. So he comes in and the female attendant is busy with someone else but instead of waiting his turn, he plops down the amount he used to pay and just heads on in. Well one of the male attendants comes running after him and in an incredibly loud voice tells the guy - I'll call him Mr. Joe Cool as he thought he was - that he owes a cedi. Now typically in American culture this would have been handled quietly and discreetly to not disturb the other patrons or embarrass Mr. Joe Cool. But we are in Ghana and most things are discussed at a very high volume - and this was no exception. Mr. Joe Cool and the attendant begin and carry on a loud, raging verbal battle about 20 feet from me and Michelle...for about 20 minutes. No joke. Even after the attendant walks away, Mr. Joe Cool continues defending his rather inflated ego by retelling the story to anyone who walks by and will listen..or even won't listen. All about saving face. It finally comes down to the point that Mr. Cool has to pay the extra cedi or leave. He doesn't appear to have the cedi and continues ranting even though it is abundantly clear to all that he is in the wrong. I was just about to stand up - in my direct American way- and offer him two cedis if he would just shut up and swim. But he decided to leave. Ah, peace and quiet again. And only Michelle heard my brilliant offer. Surprise, surprise, after causing all this trouble and such a scene, Mr. Cool comes back, pays his cedi and starts swimming. Fortunately he did all this with his mouth closed and I for one appreciated that greatly. I must say I was mildly impressed that he had the gumption to come back after all that went on.

On the flip side, as I was people watching like I like to do, I saw this beautiful family scene. A Ghanaian man, his European wife and their two children. It was precious to see them swimming together, sitting on the swing eating ice cream and just in general watching the man be so tender and affectionate with the little boys. I have noticed it repeatedly while being here that Ghanaian men are quite involved with their young children and seem to be gentle with them. Every time I see it I am impressed and touched. I don't remember men doing that in Liberia and honestly even in the states as much as here. There seems to be a real involvement and protection over the children. It is most evident to me when I watch my gardener, Joseph, with his little boy and girl. Sometimes Aisha will come with him to work and he feeds her and watches her while still doing what he needs to do until she falls asleep on the porch. Or I will go by his bicycle stand and see him watching both children while his wife goes to visit or shop or whatever. If little Michael runs in the street or starts grabbing Joseph's tools, he just calmly redirects him. I don't recall seeing anyone really beating their children here like I remember happening in Liberia. Anyway...I wish I had had my camera with me yesterday b/c I would have loved to have taken some pictures of this family. Last week I had my camera b/c I anticipated taking pictures of me and Sherri but ended up mostly taking pictures of the Black Stars:) Regardless, the pictures of these scenes are in my mind.

rambling morning thoughts

Strange how quickly emotions rise and fall. Yesterday I wrote about how saying good-bye to a couple of friends was relatively easy b/c I will see them in the states. This morning I woke up and wandered around the house that now has empty rooms and stuff to be packed everywhere and I missed Margaret...and I missed Eva even though I haven't left yet. All this was triggered by looking out the kitchen window and seeing Cat curled up in a ball in the sun. She looked so cute. She waits for me by the window most mornings to throw her out some bread crumbs or something. It is our routine. When I come home and open the gate she is there waiting for me and if I make a particular "sst" sound she knows to follow and I will go get her something to eat. If I don't make it then she just looks at me and goes back to sleep. All this to say that suddenly this morning I am filled with a sadness to leave Ghana...and a bit of trepidation of what might be coming. I get that melancholy feeling about leaving what is now familiar even though often still uncomfortable. Familiarity is a big theme in my life I am seeing more and more. Maybe it is routine. It gives a sense of stability, sameness, consistency in a world where these things are often lacking. I'll be leaving this routine and living in a "chaotic" phase for awhile when I get back home. Chaotic in the sense that no routines will be in place and may take some time to establish since I don't know exactly what I will be doing or where I will be living long-term. For my personality style this is a challenge. But it is good for me also. It helps me to grow and expand my horizons. It certainly helps me to rely on the Lord for never changing stability and consistency.

I just wanted to share what floated through my mind this morning. I see that as the time to leave gets closer the excitement of returning home (while still there in great degree) is being somewhat tempered by the sadness of leaving Ghana and friends here. This past Thursday my team here and a few other friends had a farewell for me. Our director from the US was in Accra and won't be here when I leave so we had the party early. It was very nice and low key - which I was grateful for b/c emotions were closer to the surface than I care to admit:) I think that party has triggered the reality of leaving as the time is drawing close. All of a sudden I think - briefly - "this is so great, why am I leaving again"? But I haven't forgotten why and I am still certain it is the right thing. It's just the reality and challenge of saying good bye. And who knows...maybe I will come back and visit one day. That would be nice. I guess I will be leaving a bit of my heart in Ghana after all. (I hope Jeremy, who is taking over my house, will feed Cat. She really is a cute little thing).

Another good good-bye with a great twist

Today I spent the day with Sherri and Jeremy at the pool. It was a perfectly beautiful day with bright blue skies, seriously hot sun and fluffy white clouds. The pool was crystal clear and so refreshing. Just wonderful. Sherri leaves for her 9 month furlough on Monday so this was our last time together...in Ghana...as far as we know. I will hopefully see her in the US as she lives in Wisconsin and will be in Chicago often. I have noticed that the fact that I am returning home and will see Margaret and most likely Sherri when I am there has significantly lessened the pain of saying good-bye. Not really surprising, is it? Anyway, it was a very nice day spent with friends and I am grateful for it.

What is the twist??? Well.... about 2-3 hours after we had been at the pool (which is at a hotel) there is a little ruckus and a bunch of rather fit Ghanaian men enter the pool area. I am looking at their shorts that have numbers on them and thinking "I believe these are the Black Stars". Which really isn't that profound of a thought as Sherri had mentioned that they were out in front of the hotel when she got there about 30 minutes before I did. I am still not 100% sure until I see Michael Essien, number 8, come in and then of course there is no doubt. Michael Essien is the most well known Black Star - other than Steven Appiah. Did I carry myself in a dignified, grown-up way?? Uh... NO! I sat there staring and saying "that's Michael Essien, that's Michael Essien!" I think I was slightly more reserved today than I was back in 1986 or so when I was at the Chicago Bear's training camp and got my picture taken with most of the 1985 Superbowl team - but probably not by much. It was really great. There were a few young kids around that they gave autographs to and took pictures with and in general they were just relaxed and enjoying the pool. And as you will see below Sherri and I also got our pictures taken with a few of them. Jeremy was kind enough to play photographer and didn't even seem embarrassed by the two adult groupies he was with. Overall it was a neat experience. I enjoyed talking briefly with Quincy Owusu-Abeyie, number 20, who was my favorite player during the Africa Cup of Nations back in Jan/Feb. He was so fast and determined. I was very impressed with him on the field - he seemed to be everywhere. Anyway, the Black Stars have assembled in Ghana to play against Gabon tomorrow evening in a World Cup qualifier game. Most of the players live in Europe and play on the club teams - like Manchester United or Chelsea - so they have to come back together to play for their national team. Those of you who live in the US and don't follow football could care less right now but indulge me in my childish enthusiasm.:) So needless to say this was a unique and fantastic experience. I was slightly horrible in calling Lee and rubbing it in just a bit but he was pretty excited for Sherri and me.

There are a few pictures below and a few more on the link in the left column. Thanks for indulging me!!

Pictures with the Ghana Black Stars

Sherri, Torsten Blackwood (no. 7), me, Michael Essien (no. 8)












Me with Michael Essien!! After going to the Africa Cup of Nations game, this is just so cool.




















me with Quincy Owusu-Abeyie - my favorite player during the Cup of Nations.












Sherri and me with her favorite player, no. 9, Junior Agogo













A few more of the players enjoying the cool water after the practice they had had this morning.

my funny friends

Don't you just love having friends that are mildly insane and hysterical? I do!

This is my friend Sherri - she's so confused.















And of course this is my roomie, Mags. I just love her. She cracked me up on a regular basis.












Me and Sherri trying to take a "real" picture. But this one is much better than a standard one.

















This is Ama, my friend and (former) Twi tutor. She will actually get to America before I do this summer. I don't think I will get to see her there but she will spend some time with Margaret. She is a wonderful friend.





And yes, we do use our sunglasses here as headbands on a constant basis. Just easier and they are always handy.

A good good-bye with Mags

I have been wanting to write about what Mags and I did our last couple of days together here but I have been having multiple computer issues so it has taken me a bit of time to get to it. I even have pictures to show you but they will have to wait. (they are on now just below this post). It was nice to have the opportunity to spend some time with mags before she left. On Tuesday we just ran some last minute errands for her that primarily involved shopping. We have frequently run errands together over the last year so it was good. Then we decided at the last minute to go to a big tourist thing here in Accra that neither of us had been to yet. It is the Kwame Nkrumah mausoleum in down town Accra right on the ocean. I have passed it several times but had not gone in. It is a really beautiful place. As we went through the museum part I learned several things about Ghana's history and Kwame Nkrumah. In 1957 Ghana gained their independence from colonial British rule and Kwame Nkrumah became the Prime Minister from 1957 to 1960. In 1960 he was elected the nation's first President and he served until 1966 when he was ousted in a coup. In the museum there were many pictures of President Nkrumah with heads of state from all over the world. It was very impressive. Three specific things surprised me that I learned there. The first is that shortly after he came to power he married a lady from Egypt. The second is that after he was ousted in the coup d'etat he became co-president of Guinea with Sekou Toure. And finally I was really surprised to see a photo of Fidel Castro of Cuba at Kwame Nkrumah's funeral. I don't know all the details behind these things but the museum was very interesting. If you ever make it to Ghana I highly recommend going. Both Kwame Nkrumah and his wife, Fattiah, are buried in the mausoleum (so I am told).

Mags and I also got to "cash" in our massage gift certificates that a friend had arranged for us at Christmas. That was very nice! And then we got pedicures. This is a must before leaving Ghana b/c they are only about $8 for the full treatment that would cost around $25 in the states. Finally she spent the evening at the house with Eva, Sherri and myself. Overall it was a very good good-bye and I am so glad for the time to do some things together before she left. Often good-byes are hurried and regrets come of what should have been said and done. This is one time where I don't have regrets and it is really nice. I hope over the next few weeks that this same type of thing will happen with others that I am saying good-bye to. I plan to make a point of it with those that I am closest to.

(see below for some pictures of these couple of days and there are a few more if you go to the link on the left).