A year ago on this date, Dean and I stood before God and encircled by a few close friends and family members and exchanged wedding vows. It was a beautiful, simple ceremony. I am privileged to be married to a wonderful man with too many gifts and talents to write here. But the most wonderful and important thing about him is that he has a heart that is tender towards the things of the Lord and desires to grow in Christ-likeness. I am a grateful and blessed recipient of that kind of heart. Together we are growing into our oneness and realizing more and more that marriage is not simply for our joy and pleasure. It is how God has chosen to reflect the relationship of Christ and His Bride, the Church. Therefore our vows, our commitment, our love and our life together is to reflect that most sacred relationship. By God's grace and strength alone can we have a marriage that achieves that goal. We thank the Lord for our first year together and look forward to many, many more.

A tentative new beginning

The writing bug seems to be nipping at me a bit lately so I thought I would start the pen moving so to speak and see where it goes. I don't even know if anyone checks in here anymore but that is ok. Sometimes I write for others and sometimes I write simply to pour from my heart what is there - whether sad, happy, light or heavy. Today might end up a bit heavy as my heart is heavy. I read on a friend's facebook page that she has recently been diagnosed with breast cancer. She is young - compared to me - with a husband and children. I don't know if I am more sensitive and aware these days or if there is an increase in hurting people...or both....but I do know that at times it seems like I can hardly name a friend or acquaintance that is going through some real hard stuff of life. Whether it is a health, financial, marital or emotional struggle, there are so many hurting people. I think God has increased my heart-capacity to see the hurt and be moved by it to pray. Most of my life I just squelched or ignored most pangs in my heart for others unless they were very close to me. I didn't do this out of pure selfishness or meanness. It was more from survival b/c honestly sometimes I am overwhelmed by the sufferings of others and 99.9% of the time I can't do a thing to help ease it. Before I would try to turn off the compassion b/c it hurt too much to see the suffering. Now I try to take it to the Lord in prayer...pour it out at His feet, pray for His intervention and miracles...and try my best to leave it there. There is a fine line for me between feeling for others and letting that lead me to pray and being overwhelmed by the feelings and seeking to shut them down. God freed me to open my heart and feel several years ago and I am so grateful for that...although it does come with a price of actually feeling. Truly though I would much rather feel - even the pain - than be numb. I couldn't carry it without going under though if I didn't turn it into prayer for those who are hurting. God can carry it all and He wants to carry it so I seek to give it to Him as He is really the only one who can help the hurting heart.

I am starting to see the link between all this and the spiritual gift of encouragement that I believe God has given to me. When walking in the Spirit, the gift can be used of God to bring a moment of comfort and life to someone who is struggling. But the flipside is getting frustrated or down when something doesn't change to relieve their pain. That is where I always have to come back to leaving all the cares with the Lord and trusting Him to work out His plan and purposes. It is a learning process for sure. Sometimes I take the pain and give it to Him well, other times I sit with it and it weighs me down. That is when I know I am trying to carry it rather than letting my Almighty, Sovereign Father carry it.

With all of this going on within me, I see more and more clearly how much I need to spend time with the Lord. Not just in a specific quiet time - which is paramount- but also throughout the day, to be aware of His presence with me in each moment. If I am not receiving life from Him, I certainly can't be a very good vessel of passing it on to another or from keeping my heart from despair at all the suffering around me. Not to mention dealing with my own struggles and difficulties. I heard a sermon not too long ago that focused on humility and the passage in Matthew 18 about coming to the Lord as a child. It isn't that we come as an innocent child b/c let's face it we all know children aren't really innocent. Naive maybe but not innocent. They start early with manipulation and selfishness, etc. You don't need to be a parent to see that. But rather it is coming to Christ as a child who is completely dependent on his parents for everything....everything!! Food, shelter, protection, clothing, etc. A young child cannot do anything without his parents. That is how we are before God whether we acknowledge it or not. I can't take my next breathe or type another word or have a thought without God having given that ability to me. Any skills or talents or gifts I have are from Him. I didn't create them within me or even the ability to sharpen and develop them. All comes from God. It is a fact whether we choose to believe it or not. So how does this all tie together? Good question. Let me think for a minute where I was going..... Oh yes. My increasing awareness of my dependence on God and my care for those who are hurting are tied together. I can't carry the latter and survive without doing the former. I will be crushed under the weight of despair if I don't realize that I can do nothing without God and He alone can carry the weight of the world. He alone is the great Comforter and He alone can help the hurting heart. My role is simply to pray. To bring my concerns before the Lord and ask for His intervention as He sees fit. To pray His word over those who are hurting and ask that He turn their hearts toward Him. I am as a child completely dependent on my Father for every little thing - from every breath I take to every step I make. So I must take the cares to Him and if He moves me to speak or write or do anything else to encourage someone, then obey. Pray and obey. Hmmmm....I like that. Not trust and obey like the hymn - although that is foundational- but in this case it is to pray and obey.

1 Peter 5:5a-7..."and all of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, for God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble. Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your cares upon Him b/c He cares for you."

Obviously I am not doing any better at blogging in the last few weeks than I have in the last several months. Hmmmm......I need some inspiration. If I get some, I'll let you know.

My aim is to update my blog with some serious postings and maybe pictures over the next couple of weeks. I don't know at this moment what I will write about but hopefully it will flow as I type like it usually does. Thank you all for your continued interest and checking in on the blog so often. I am sorry for not doing a better job. Talk to you soon... :)

A new year has begun and I am still very negligent on keeping my blog up to date. Well let's see what I can do about that. Yesterday was our three month anniversary of being married. Seems longer and seems shorter. Adjusting to a new home, new town, new church and a husband has definitely had its challenges. All these things are good and I like them and yet at the same time I often get homesick for the area in IL where I lived close to family and my very good friends. In time this new place will seem like home but that does take time. I have spent most of the last three months getting our new home in order, spending time with Dean - of course, and learning how to cook. I haven't killed him yet so that is really good. :) Actually he has quite the cast iron stomach so I feel a lot of freedom to try new stuff and make mistakes. Dean is very encouraging and I appreciate that. Really I am enjoying being a wife and homemaker. It has been a gift to be able to stay home and take care of things here without the pressure of a job, etc. I am starting to work with the worship team at our church. Dean is quite the guitar player and loves music as do I. But alas, I have no significant musical talent and I like to be behind the scenes so I am learning to do the sound board and AV stuff. Never thought I'd be an AV geek. LOL. This past Sunday was my first time at the church and I really enjoyed it. I have had some exposure to doing sound with the Christian Rock band that Dean has been playing in for the last year so I am not a complete nubi. I do have plenty to learn though. It is nice for us to be able to serve the Lord together. I am also looking to be an assistant to a professional photographer I have met at church. Initially I just wanted to hang out with him to learn more about working my camera and composing shots but he has need of an assistant so it may move into that area. I am excited about the possibility and still look forward to having the time to care for Dean and our home. We'll see how the Lord moves and if the open door stays that way.

So really life is quite simple. I have no interesting things to write about different cultures as I did in Ghana. That is a main reason why I am not writing as much. But as other things hit me I will try to put them down on "paper". I have been focused in other areas so the writing seems to have taken a back seat. But perhaps that will change down the road.