Today I was reading in Luke 19 about Christ's triumphant ride into Jerusalem. It struck me how the crowds that were cheering Him and praising Him as He rode in would soon be the ones screaming "Crucify him" with anger and hatred. I wondered at the turn of their hearts so easily. I wonder if it was b/c Jesus didn't give them what they wanted, what they had set their hearts on and so they turned on Him with a vengeance. The people wanted a savior, not of their souls but to free them from Roman rule, from the uncomfortable situation in which they found themselves. I started thinking about how I do the same thing. How I get an idea or a plan or a dream in my heart and I basically tell God how it should be. Or at least I hold fast to it and don't give the Lord room to work and move as He chooses. And when things don't go the way I have set my heart on them to go, I get angry at God. I, in fact, some times turn on him in anger and rage. Even now as I sit here reading and writing I am struggling with this very thing. My life is not where I thought it would be, some of my dreams - precious ones- have not come true and I find it hard not to turn on God b/c He hasn't done things my way. It is incredibly easy to focus on my feelings, my logic, my plans and the circumstances that surround me and become discouraged or upset. I am not living life as I had planned. Here is a key though to not walking down that road. Focus on the truth's of who God is and hold fast to them. It is one thing to say "I believe God is good and He has a plan for me and He will take care of me" when things are going "my" way. It is a whole other ballgame when I am walking an unfamiliar and even unwanted path. That is when trust and faith really show themselves for what they are. I must cling to the truth that God is good and that His plans for me are for my good and my growth. They are not for what I think they should be - my comfort and happiness. But they are good plans coming from the hand of a good God who loves me like no other. So as this time of uncertainty and the unknown continues, I keep resetting my eyes on the One who holds the future and who loves me perfectly. I must not turn on Him - or turn away from Him - when life doesn't go my way b/c His way is the best way. I can't see what is down the road and what I have planned and think is perfect and wonderful may be way off b/c of my limited vision. God help me to stay focused on You and the truths of who You are so that I can let go of all my plans and dreams and grab on to what You have for me.

Wow it has been a very long time since I have written anything on here. I guess maybe it is because there isn't anything profound going on at this time. I haven't traveled anywhere since the end of Oct., I haven't had any major revelations regarding the future and what God wants me to do next, and it is cold in Chicago so I am not real excited about getting out and doing new things. :) But I will say that I have had some wonderful times with family - like Thanksgiving - and am so thankful to be re-establishing and growing friendships. I also have time to spend with the Lord and that is the biggest blessing of all. Not saying that I always use my time wisely but I am grateful for this time of life as strange and uncertain as it is. Well that is it for now I am sorry to tell you. Hopefully next time I write I will have something to say. :) Merry Christmas if I don't "talk" to you before then.

My awful, beautiful life...and some perspective

"I love this crazy, tragic,
Sometimes almost magic,
Awful, beautful life" by Darryl Worley

I love the words to this song b/c it is a true representation of how life really is - ups and downs, twists and turns, tragic and magic side by side. (Of course magic in my mind is the work of the Lord but it rhymes with tragic). I have been back in the states for 4 months and it has been a whirlwind. Most of the time I have been traveling around the states visiting supporters, friends and prayer partners. It has been wonderful and tiring at the same time. When I am back in IL, I stay with my parents which has been an incredible blessing. Although at this moment I am sleeping on a mattress on the floor of the dining room b/c the basement where I usually stay is under major reconstruction due to water issues and mold. Sometimes I wake up and think..."seriously, this is my life???" The Lord has such a sense of humor. But then other times I think about what a special time in my life this is and that it won't be this way forever. I am finding that living in the uncertainty and wide open space that is my future is both scary and exhilarating. There are of course ribbons of fear that float through my mind as I look at how I am living, where I am living, the economy, the future, etc. etc. But when I keep focused on some basic truths those fears fade and I am able to embrace this season of life and even enjoy it. Of course some of you are thinking..."what's not to enjoy? Not working a regular job (i do work by the way), being able to travel, freedom, etc. Of course you should enjoy it". Well it isn't as easy as it might seem but you know "the grass is always greener" so I am not going to argue the point. More importantly are the truths that I have been trying to stay focused on. The Lord is my Blessed Controller - as coined in "Calm My Anxious Heart". He is at work, He is sovereign, He is in control no matter what circumstances might suggest. Staying focused on His character instead of circumstances is key b/c circumstances are always changing and we usually have a fairly skewed perspective of them anyways. The Lord is good, the Lord loves me, the Lord has promised to care for me and above all He has promised to never leave me. That is rock solid truth when all around is shifting sand and uncertain. And finally I am really trying to stay content with where I am at right now. When I am discontent with the portion the Lord has given me I get anxious, irritable, even angry. I look around and want what others have - while they are looking at me and wanting what I have - and it breeds worry and anxiety and discontentment. This is a hard one for me b/c I am in a waiting period, a "be still" period, and that is not a comfortable place to be. As a human and an American, my value in the world's eyes (even most Christian's eyes) is based on what I am doing. And if I am not doing something that looks "normal" or productive from those eyes then value is decreased. This can happen from others...and also from within myself. I personally think it is a lovely tool of the devil to keep me from obeying the Lord and waiting on Him with patience and rest. An anxious heart is one that can't hear the Lord and won't obey. It is one that is trying to be in control and direct life. Since this is not where I want to be, I spend a good bit of time reminding myself of the truths mentioned above...the Lord is good, the Lord is in control, the Lord is working on my behalf, the Lord is with me.

Perspective comes in funny ways sometimes. Recently it came to me while I was flying from College Station, Texas to Dallas. It is a very short trip by plane (about 40 minutes) and we flew at a relatively low altitude (about 18,000 feet). From that vantage point I could clearly see the land below as we sailed over it. I love looking at farmland. When I am driving through the heartland of America, seeing the farms and fields is one of my favorite things. There is a unique yearning that I feel when I see the beauty of the land like that...a well kept little white farm house with a big porch, the sturdy barn and silo sitting close by, a neatly landscaped yard around the buildings and the vast spread of the pastures and crops enclosing it all. I love it. I see it and I want to be in that picture. But I can only see small portions of this at any given point when I am driving. From the airplane I could see for miles upon miles the land below. I could see how clearly outlined the fields and pastures are, how the roads and driveways snake around, how perfectly straight the rows of crops have been laid...I could see how all these farms and homes and roads and rivers and forests lay together and are intertwined. I can't do that from the ground. I can only see a couple of them at a time. As I was flying and thinking about my awful, beautiful life it struck me that I was having the tiniest glimpse of how things might be with the Lord and my life. I look out from my limited vantage point on the ground and all I can see is the 1 or 2 steps in front of me. But the Lord is eternal and sees my whole life from beginning to end. He sees what is next and when it is coming. He has the whole spread before Him - just like I did looking down from the plane. Sometimes I think that the road I am on will go on this way forever with no twists or turns to break it up...and other times I am wanting for the twists and turns to stop so I can just go on a straight stretch for awhile and have a break. Right now I appear to be on a straight stretch and sometimes it looks like it will go on forever with no change to this strange life I am living. But I was reminded in that plane that God sees it all. He knows that just down the road there is going to be a turn, that He will be guiding me in a new direction (as He already is). I can't see it from down here, but He can. So once again I come back to reminding myself that He is in control, He is working on my behalf, that this time is precious though challenging and that what I am learning by walking through this with Him will help me when that turn comes and more uncertainty will follow. I want to trust the Lord so completely that I don't need to know what is next and I don't need to panic in the moment. I want to live that fully abandoned to Him, unchoreographed life that is anchored in trust in His character, not fear in my circumstances. I have a long way to go...a lifetime to go I am sure...but that is my heart's desire. The journey, I am slowly getting, is the important part not just the destination. It is in the journey that I learn to trust Him, to cling to Him and to let Him lead. Not rushing through the process to achieve the end is not easy to do b/c the process is usually relatively uncomfortable and the end looks so much more inviting. But if I rush through the hard part, I miss the sweet part of seeing Him work...in me, through me, around me...I miss the "magic" and mystery that He is and I miss the very special and intimate moments that are for me and Him alone. Ah Lord, help me in the uncomfortable, in the painful to cling to Truth, to grab hold of who you are, to trust your unchanging character...to rest in you through this awful, beautiful life.

I have been traveling again. Just back from Texas. I hope to post a "real" update very soon!!!

long over due photos and update

Finally, finally my computer is working again. Yippeeeee! (stupid power adapters)

Ok here we have an absolutely wonderful couple that I met at The Mission Society (margaret's mission agency). Ruth and Greg Burgner. We had a wonderful and encouraging dinner with them at this Indian restaurant. My ribs actually hurt from laughing.





Mags and I ate a dessert at The Cheesecake Factory. Oh my goodness - they are huge desserts. Good thing we only got one to share. What you see here are the left-overs!!!










Three generations of Buell women...Margaret, her mother and her mother's mother. And Margaret's nephew, Brogan. All sitting in the swing under a huge oak tree at Grandma's house down in Mississippi.









I found Grandma's house extremely peaceful. At one point I was the only one outside under the tree and it was so quiet that all I heard were birds chirping and the horses blowing occasionally. It was pure bliss.










The joy of being in the country.

That's me on the floor - don't I look professional? :) This was my work while I was in Mississippi. I ran a second camera while Margaret interviewed people for a church video and a mission video. My job was to try and get all sorts of funky and creative shots...I did my best:) It was a lot of fun and I really enjoyed learning something new. Plus it was a real blessing to be with Margaret.






This is the birth home of Elvis Presley in Tupelo, MS where we shot one video. It is called a "shotgun" house b/c it is so small you can open the back door and the front door and shoot a bullet straight through.









Since I flew in and out of Memphis I was able to see Graceland - Elvis' home at his death. It cost about 27$ for the grand tour so Mags and I declined that and just took a pic from the road. (I enjoy Elvis' music but I am not that big of a fan...plus I do think he is dead).









While in Memphis we went to the Peabody hotel where everyday at 11am they have a "grandmarch" for 5 ducks who live there. The ducks come down in the elevator and waddle as fast as they can to this fountain where they spend the entire day until 5pm and then go back up to the top floor via the elevator. It is quite an attraction and there was a good sized crowd to watch the march. It was cute but I do have to say that only in America would we do such a thing:)











Famous Beale Street in Memphis. Home of the Blues. Wow, did we hear some incredible music. At night each restaurant has live music and there are more bands playing outside on the street. We watched one guy play the harmonica like I have never seen before. It was absolutely amazing!

One of the best things about being in Memphis - and staying an extra week in MS - was that I got to see Ama when she came to visit Mags. Ama was my Twi teacher in Ghana. She has been in the states for about 4 months and returns to Ghana in Nov. This was her coming around the corner with Mags...just before she screamed loudly when she saw I was there. We surprised her:) It was great.





Ama and me...and Mags' shadow:)













A week ago Sunday was the Chicago Marathon. One of my very best friend's, Brenda, ran in it. I was down town with her husband, Mike, sister, Stacey and brother-in-law, Mark, to cheer her on. We ran from mile marker to mile marker to stay ahead of her and cheer her as she ran by. Ok, I didn't really run but I did a seriously fast walk for about 3.5 miles at one point. Here she is almost to the finish line. One mile to go and still smiling!




Brenda and me after the race. She is so sweaty - gross! :)













It was a beautiful sunny fall day in Chicago during the marathon. The fall colors are bursting out all over and they are gorgeous. I love fall! Would be nice if we could jump from fall to spring but alas winter is not far away. Sigh

Last pictures for now

The new additions to the Slater family. While I was in Mississippi my mom decided to make these two kittens inside cats. They were the babies of our neighbor's cat and ran around in our yard and played with us. One day they wanted to come in and so my mom let them...now they are ours. I love it!! They are so cute and cuddly. This one is Simba and although you can't see it clearly here, he has long hair.






This one is Numa. He has short hair. They are great fun and entertainment.



Ok so by posting pictures and making little notes by them I have taken the very easy route to writing an update of sorts. But it gives you a snapshot of what I have been doing...well bits and pieces anyways. there is much to life right now that these pictures don't show. Hopefully as the week goes on I will be able to write more.

Sorry - again- I haven't written much lately. This time it is b/c of a computer malfunction. It is hard to write and post pictures when access to the internet is hit or miss. I have so much to write and pictures to post! Sigh. Well hopefully that all be remedied next week.

Below the Mason-Dixon Line

I have spent the better part of the last 3 weeks in what is commonly referred to as the "Deep South". That would mean - as far as I know - Mississippi, Alabama and Georgia (although I am not sure that Atlanta really qualifies). It has been...well...enlightening... strange ...and ...delightful. I am becoming increasingly aware of how generalities and stereotyping has impacted my thinking. In Nov. of 2006 I went to spend time in California - the Los Angeles area - for the first time and received quite a shock. What was so shocking - the fact that there are actually real people who live out there and the whole state isn't characterized by Hollywood. Yes, I know how sad that I even have to admit that but it is true. I was amazed at how - well - regular most places and people were and it was a welcome revelation. Not to mention how beautiful California is. Driving up highway 1 from LA area to Monterey was simply incredible. That shimmering, deep blue Pacific Ocean...well there are no words to adequately describe it. It was mesmerizing and let's just say it was a good thing I wasn't driving or I might have really become one with the ocean on that drive. And it was really interesting to see the cows up on the hills, oil rigs and those drilling things that bob up and down and then the ocean all within the same view. No wonder they have happy cows. They get to eat lush green grass on a hillside while looking at the ocean! Wait, what was my point? Oh yes, the south...similar reaction to what I had in California. I had always heard that Mississippi was one of the poorest states in the union and of course most of us have a stereotype about people who speak with that kind of drawl but I have been pleasantly surprised being down here. Again, I am sad to admit that I expected to see miles and miles of broken down houses with junk all over the front yard and people out front in their bathrobes - cringe - but it hasn't been true. I have driven over a fair part of the state while being here and I have seen very little of that - very little. What I have seen is miles and miles of really beautiful countryside. Did you know that Missississpi is so beautiful? I didn't. Rolling hills, trees and forests all over interspersed with acres of farm land, lakes and small towns. I mean yes, they have their share of poor sections and run down areas but so does every other state I have been in. And maybe I haven't seen the worst of it down here but I do know that it isn't as rampant as one might think. I am happy to say that having spent this time in Mississippi my preconceived notions have been dislodged as they were when I went to California.

What am I doing down here? Good question. Margaret, one of my roommates from Ghana, asked me to come down and help her do some video work at her mission agency. She wanted me to run a second camera. So I thought about it, prayed about it and decided it was a good thing. And it has been a good thing. Not only to see Margaret, which I will get to later, but just to see more of the US and to learn something new - like running a camera. This isn't just a little camcorder thing. It is a "real" camera for professional people. On the other hand it isn't a giant camera that you see on TV but a similar albeit smaller version. I wasn't too confident of my creativity and ability with this thing but Margaret seemed to have faith in me...or maybe she was just desperate...I don't know. I think I'll go with the "had faith in me" view. I flew into Memphis - for the first time - where she picked me up and we drove to her parent's place in Starkville, MS (pronounced Stark-vul) after a brief stop in Oxford, MS. We were in Oxford just days before the first presidential debate so needless to say I wasn't able to get a really good tour of the Ole Miss campus. Oh well. I did see Elvis' birth place in Tupelo so that has to be something, right? The tiniest little, "shotgun" house I have ever seen. Apparently it is called "shotgun" b/c you can open the front door and the back door and shoot a bullet right through. Seriously small house. Oh, but I digress again. Why does that keep happening? :) Anyway, after being at Margaret's house for a couple of days we drove over to Atlanta where we did the shoot. Her mission agency is The Mission Society and I met a bunch of really neat people. One woman who really touched me is named Ruth. The three of us hit it off so well that she drove the two hours it takes her to get to Atlanta from her home to have dinner with us (4 hours round-trip!). And she brought her husband who was a complete Georgia-boy riot. But this woman, Ruth, is a wonderful, encouraging woman and I am so blessed to have met her. She also writes and edits the mission's quarterly publication so she had some insights for me regarding writing for the future. Margaret was very glad for us to meet and get to talk about writing a bit. (Thank you Lord for that introduction).

The actual video shoot went very well. I was surprised at how much I enjoyed it. I mean I knew I would enjoy working with Margaret - she wasn't nearly as bossy as I thought she would be :) -but I also really enjoyed running the second camera. B/c Margaret did the interviewing with the still camera, I got to be the one moving around trying to take all kinds of interesting and funky shots. I did my best after getting a lesson and some pointers from M and she seemed really pleased so that is all I can ask for. Two days of this shooting - what a trip. While in Atlanta we were able to eat at some great restaurants. I am seriously impressed with the variety of ethnic foods they have there. Unfortunately the main restaurant we wanted to eat at was a Ghanaian one we had heard of but apparently it has closed. We were so bummed. I really wanted some red-red and plantain or some palaver sauce and yam or some chicken and rice or....oh wait...there I go again....this time salivating over the thought of that wonderful food. Anyway, we did get to eat Cuban, Indian and Thai food. We almost had Ethiopian but on that day both our stomachs were protesting a little so we decided to leave well enough alone. All in all, it was great food and there were many more ethnic restaurants to try. It has become very obvious that a big part of my relationship with Margaret revolves around food. We both like to eat:) Fortunately we have a lot of the same tastes in what we eat so we have started sharing meals which cuts down on costs and calories. It does kind of freak out the server-people here that we don't mind eating off the same plate. You know just digging in with our own forks to everything. The servers keep bringing an extra plate even after we tell them we don't need it. Ah well. Some things learned in Ghana may never die:)

So I am still in Mississippi - a week longer than expected. Why is that you might ask? Well...the basement at my parent's where I am currently staying has had some water leakage and mold problems - which might explain the significant increase in sinus problems I have had since returning to the states. B/c of this and the fact that Margaret needed help with another video shoot this week, I decided to stay longer. Again, not to mention the fact that it has been a lot of fun too. Margaret is a great tour guide and loves to drive. I love to ride and look at the scenery as we go along so it works out great. Besides, having extended time riding in a car really gives you a chance to get into some good, deep conversations. And getting lost, running over curbs and eating some really bad fast food makes for good laughs. Oh did I mention that while driving from Mississippi to Atlanta, GA you go through Alabama? And what is just off the main highway that we were on? Talladega, Baby!!! You knew I had to mention NASCAR sooner or later! Talladega is a superspeedway and I was happy to just have a look at it as we drove by. The race was here yesterday (10/5) but we weren't able to go. Margaret's a really good friend but she does draw the line at NASCAR. You know for a girl raised in the south she's not very southern. I mean she doesn't like NASCAR or country music or grits or sweet tea. That is just wrong! Except for the grits part - I don't like them either. Oh by the way yesterday, Oct. 5th, was my three month anniversary for returning to the states. Only three months. It seems like so much longer. Weird.

Before we head off to do our video shooting on Tues., tomorrow I will get a chance to see the "real" south. We are going to visit Margaret's Grandmother - she's called Nanaw- who from what I understand is a genuine southern genteel woman. The Steel Magnolia type. The plan is to sit under the tree in the front yard, drink sweet tea, talk and play canasta. Oh and I guess be driven around the pasture and among the horses on a four wheeler. Sounds like a genuine southern exposure:) I can't wait to meet her! I'll let you know how it goes.

Ok it is 3:45am and I should really try to go back to sleep. I will continue this later. Night.

Last evening I had dinner with Margaret and two young girls she knows. One was in high school - a junior- and the other just started college. After a relatively brief but good conversation with these girls I realized a couple of things. One is that the pressures of life at that age are immense and I don't miss that a bit. I have thought more than once in the last couple of years that young people seem to face a lot more pressure regarding sex, drugs and alcohol than I remember facing at that age. I don't know if that is an actuality or just a perspective skewed by the years but it seems real. I imagine that these pressures have been the same for my generation and my mother's generation and her mother's before her. But it does appear that these pressures are starting at a much earlier age and are very overt. In light of all this, I realized a second thing - that other than the physical benefits of being college age - no wrinkles, more energy, etc. - I would not want to go back to that stage of my life. Well unless I could go with the experience and wisdom I have gained over the years. It is easy to long for the "good ole days" of my youth but really in spite of the challenges of the age I am at right now - which you don't really need to know- these are the better days. The pressures and issues are mostly different and some are pretty difficult but the rewards are better. Maybe my whole view is slanted b/c my relationship with the Lord is so vastly different now from what it was then. My outlook is more positive, I am more open and adventuresome and I am able to look at the reality of who I am better. Not to mention that I have a deeper understanding of how much God loves me and I think I am finally catching a glimpse of who He designed me to be. All in all, this is a much better place to be than what I was in my 20's. I hope I feel the same when I wake up tomorrow with a neck ache or worries about growing really old:) Regardless, all this does prompt me to pray more diligently for those young people in my life like my niece and nephews who haven't even reached junior high yet and are already facing many challenges and difficulties. God help them - literally!

Heartache Mended

Walked today though stumbled
from tears and pain.
Heart rejected, dreams crumbled,
plans changed.
Creation called all along
lifted head to see.
Words spoken in the soft sunlight,
in the whisper of the leaves.
The call is quiet, barely known
heart refuses to hear.
Shadows and fog all around, bird
song of no cheer.
Something glows, it pulls
persisting through the haze.
No longer to hide
Love sent to amaze.
Why wait and go so far
what is longed for is near.
Held in arms strong
soft words drying tears.
No hurry, linger here,
let love curl around.
No other presence comes
with gentle sounds.
Place of healing, comfort swirls
gone the heavy weight.
Ever Faithful One, never shifting sand
cradling arms await.

by Suzanne

Complete ramble

So I have been in the states not quite 3 months yet. It feels like it has been so much longer than that. I am happy to say that the intense anxiety and uneasyness that I was experiencing my first 4-5 weeks here has subsided. Of course that doesn't mean that everything is "in place" and I have all the answers but I can at least go to the mall now and actually buy something without being dazed and confused:) There are things that pop up in my mind at the strangest times that I imagine will always be there - or at least I hope they stay there...and that is the conflict in my mind about how we live in America and how much of the rest of the world lives. Well I guess I can only speak for the parts of Africa that I have lived in as a child and adult but you get what I mean. I am driving around the North Shore suburbia where I live currently and it is so beautiful. Pretty much every yard is perfectly manicured and landscaped, simple strip malls are done in amazing brick and stone with big, fancy entryways...everything is so beautiful and well done. And you know what - I love it. It is so pretty to look at and I often drive around just to see the laid out beauty and then the thought will hit me that much of the rest of the world doesn't live like this. I think of my neighborhood in Ghana where the people live in tiny shacks stacked on top of each other with not much of a yard at all to speak of and if there is some space it is pretty much dirt b/c there isn't money to spend on landscaping, etc. Their lives are centered around existing. These are the thoughts that go through my mind and similar thoughts hit me when I go shopping or eat out or whatever. The dilemma is what to do with these thoughts. One option would be to just shove them away and try to live in ignorance. Another option would be to let the thoughts overwhelm me and cause guilt every time I buy something or enjoy something nice, etc. Personally I am not too excited about either of those options so I look to a third which is much more nebulous but nonetheless viable. I don't want to live with continual guilt and I am pretty sure God doesn't want me to either, but nor do I want to ignore what I have experienced and been exposed to. So what is the third option? Good question. I don't really have a wonderful answer - nor do most of the people that I have talked with about this. Right now when these thoughts come to mind, I sit with them and think about them and talk to God about them. It is once again holding conflicting thoughts in tandem and not supressing or elevating one against the other. The truth is is that we have many wonderful and beautiful things here in America and I don't believe that it is wrong to enjoy them. At the same time we have so much more than those around the world and I keep that in mind as I choose how to spend the money God has blessed me with. I hope that the thoughts provoke me to pray for those who are suffering and barely surviving. I hope that I stop and think and pray before I casually spend money just b/c I can. I hope that overall the experience that I have had of living in a third world culture stays with me throughout my life and impacts my thinking and spending and living in such a way to make me a good steward and yet be able to enjoy the gifts God has given - even something as simple as pretty farmland.

I think that what I have found most challenging to live with is how our lives here are designed towards convenience and how the lives of those I lived near in Ghana are designed for daily survival. Now don't get me wrong there are people who are struggling in the states and there are people in Ghana who are very rich but I am talking about the majority in both areas. And don't think that I don't enjoy the conveniences we have in America. I do. It is just that again it makes me stop and think for a moment about how differently we live from much of the rest of the world. I think this is one of the reasons that a friend said that living abroad "ruins you" for living back in America. Especially living somewhere like Ghana as opposed to Europe. I can't simply squelch what I see and think about the differences. Anyway, just rambling thoughts on this. I certainly don't have it all figured out and so I often ask myself "how does one live here again?"

On a completely different subject...I love fall weather. This is the warmest fall season that I can remember in a long time. I hope that means that winter will be nice too! But all this week it has been in the 70's here and sunny. Usually it is cooler - like the 50's and 60's but still nice. We can still wear shorts and t-shirts which is really rare for this time of year. It is almost October already! And the trees are changing colors in an interesting pattern. I remember that generally they all change fairly close to each other so that the landscape is filled with colors of orange, yellow, red and all shades in between. Just breathtaking. But so far this year it has come in stages so that most of the trees are still green with a fire red or bright orange tree scattered between. Still very nice and I am glad to be here to see it. Of course winter is just around the corner. Ugh - how will I survive it? I am so glad that my warm winter coat was waiting for me here:)

And on yet another different subject...for those of you who don't travel much outside the US I just want you to know that the airlines do a really good job with security for planes coming directly to the states from another country. I don't know if you read about the security measures I went through when leaving Ghana to fly into NY but it was basically the same thing coming back from Brazil. I didn't get the several pat downs like I did coming from Ghana but my carry on was thoroughly checked about 3 times. They really have it down. After all the typical screening we were headed down the gang plank to the plane when the moving line came to a complete stand still for several minutes. There were about 4-5 security agents in the little hallway thing just before getting on the plane making us finish our drinks, opening our carry ons and answering more questions. But the good news is that they are being very careful about planes that fly straight into America from other countries. Today I fly to Memphis from O'hare and it will be nice and easy in comparison. I know it is strange to most people but I really like being at O'hare. I have this little pre-flight routine of getting there early and getting a little snack, maybe finding a good paperback and then just people watching. For some reason I really enjoy the anonymity in the midst of hundreds of people there. I don't appreciate that everywhere just at the airport. How strange am I? :) Why did I just write all that? Hmmm....don't know but there it is. Writer's privilege I guess:)

All the chistles I've dulled carving idols of stone
That have crumbled like sand 'neath the waves.
I've recklessly built all my dreams in the sand just to watch, them all wash away.

Through another day, another trial, another chance to reconcile
To one who sees past all I see.
And reaching out my weary hand I pray that you'd understand
You're the only one who's faithful to me.

All the pennies I've wasted in my wishing well
I have thrown like stones to the sea.
I have cast my lots, dropped my guard, searched aimlessly for a faith
To be faithful to me.

Through another day, another trial, another chance to reconcile
To one who sees past all I see.
And reaching out my weary hand I pray that you'd understand
You're the only one who's faithful to me.
You're the only one who's faithful to me!

by Jennifer Knapp

Well, I have officially resigned from HCJB Global. It was a tough decision but I believe it is the right one. It may be hard to understand why I would resign from there when I don't have something "concrete" to go to but that is how it is. I don't know exactly what God wants me to do at this time but I strongly felt that He was telling me "no" to working with HCJB at headquarters. There were several good opportunities for working there and I leave with no regrets or hard feelings of any kind...I just needed to leave. I am sure many of you have come to a point in your life with something where you knew you were not to go in a certain direction even if the rest of the decision wasn't clear. That is where I am at. Now I am waiting to hear from the Lord regarding what He wants me to do and making the decisions that come before me each step along the way. My last day with HCJB will be Oct. 31 and after that....well that hasn't been revealed yet but so far God is bolstering my faith in Him - to trust Him with my future and all the details that are involved with it. He is the Lover of my soul and I am His Beloved. I will trust Him with my life. (some days I do better with that than others but that is my aim and goal). If God lays it on your heart to pray for me, I ask that you would pray for me to trust Him completely and to not fear! Thank you!!

Today I just want to write about how thankful I am to the Lord for so many people He has placed in my life. I have some really amazing girlfriends. Some are older than me, some younger; some married, some single; some I have known for years, some only a short time. I won't even try to name them but I thank the Lord for them. Throughout this time of decision making, struggle and transition I have been blessed to have women to talk to who are understanding, wise and encouraging...and yes challenging too. God has also blessed me with some kind men who have cared for me and encouraged me in many ways. I was sitting here thinking about how many simple kindnesses I have received just since I have been home. I can't even tell you how many times I have been taken out to eat! That is a real blessing and enjoyment to me. So today I just thank the Lord for friends - on both sides of the ocean!

Friends from Ghana in America!

Magaret (my roommate in Ghana) and me at Garden of the Gods in Colorado Springs after our debriefing.











Sherri Paulson - who works with SIM in Ghana and me.













Sherri, Margaret, Margaret's friend, Marley, and me on the architectural river boat tour in down town Chicago. (I highly recommend it if you get to Chicago - in the summer!)


Sherri, Margaret and I spent many hours together at our house in Ghana. It was really neat to be able to spend time with them here in the states.

I realize that I haven't written much that would be considered "substantial" in quite some time. There is just too much going on in my heart and mind to write about yet. It has to gel and be processed before I can put it into coherent sentences. Hopefully soon I'll write a bit about the debriefing and where the Lord is leading me next. Plus all the traveling I have been doing is counterproductive for me in the writing realm but my traveling is done for now as far as I can tell so the writing should come more easily:)

Pictures from Brazil

Downtown Campinas - about 2 hours from Sao Paulo. This is the city where the wedding was held. Can you see the McDonald's sign in the middle? Ah American fast food is everywhere. There was also Burger King and Pizza Hut. We passed and enjoyed real and amazing Brazilian foods.






Sunset from our hotel on Ilhabela - an island about 3.5 hours from Sao Paulo. Unspeakably beautiful. I think I could live there...oh yeah it was just a vacation:) Gotta wake up!









We drove for many kilometers on a dirt/mud road to get to the actual beaches. It was way too cold for this girl to even put on shorts but still very pretty. The food - again- was excellent.











This is the little town of Ilhabela. I enjoyed driving all over the island and a big part of Brazil. The hardest part - after driving in Ghana - was trying to dicipher the road signs that were all written in Portugese. Not an easy task. But I have to say that we found the men and women there incredibly friendly and helpful. People helped us with directions, buying things, etc. etc. They did it with smiles and really pleasant attitudes. It was very nice.











This is a picture of one of the poorer settlements around Sao Paulo. I believe I was told that it is a city of 10-12 million people and has more street kids than any other city in the world. A whole different world from Ilhabela.

Well the wedding was nice and interesting and long - about 1 hour. Which wouldn't have been so bad except that it was all in Portugese so it was a tad difficult to follow. But the bride was beautiful of course and their faces were beaming so that translates in any language:) The reception wasn't quite 4 hours long - maybe just a couple - but there were definitely many cuts of meat brought to the table just as in a restaurant we went to. It is really neat but a little overwhelming to be eating one piece of meat and then have 3 or 4 more offered in rapid sucession. Plus a huge salad bar and dessert. Whew! It was a pleasure and honor to attend and to see my parents up front as the "parents" for the groom.

Today we are driving to the beach per my mother's wishes and as I am really a guest on their trip, who am I to argue?? I love the beach!! And yes I said driving. We rented a car and I have been the designated driver for the last several days. It has been fun and my driving experience in Ghana has been extremely helpful. Actually the traffic and driving habits here are quite tame compared to Accra. I mean there are lanes marked and people drive in them - other than the insane motorcyclists who do whatever they please - and there are many traffic lights and stop signs and those are obeyed. And I hardly ever hear a horn which is just weird! So the driving itself has been good. It is the navigating that is very challenging. There are many one way streets and it seems like we make circles after circles to actually end up where we are going - even when following a native. The signs are in Portugese which is hard but overall we have done a great job and have enjoyed it. A friend of the groom from the states has been hanging out with us and he is really good with directions and getting us home from places unknown. He is an unbelievably intelligent IT guy from Washington and he seems to already have a map of the city imbedded in his brain. We will all miss his navigational skills when he leaves today.

A couple of days ago the four of us went golfing. I hadn't intended to golf but my mom really wanted me to so I did. It was the first time in about 3 years and I fully expected it to be awful. The first hole was. I kept swinging and missing the ball. Never a good start to golfing. But as we went on and I stayed relaxed about it, the ability to play the game came back a bit and so I really enjoyed it. My dad was happy to have achieved his goal of golfing in another foreign country.

We haven't really done much tourist stuff b/c of the wedding and also b/c of the city we are in. While it is beautiful and clean and interesting it isn't a tourist area. Nonetheless we have enjoyed ourselves and have found the Brazilian people in general to be extremely kind and friendly - going out of their way to help us with directions, reservations, etc. etc. If only I knew Portugese... :)

First impressions of Brazil

Some of you know that I am in Brazil right now. My parents were coming here for a wedding and invited me to go along when I returned from Ghana. What a gift. Sao Paulo where we flew into is a huge sprawling city. It reminded me of Accra and America at the same time. The roads and traffic signals, etc. are very similar to the states. The actual driving and traffic are like Accra! The motorcyclists here do the same thing as they do in Accra which is drive between the lines of cars on any road they care to. It is crazy!! The poor areas here are immense with shacks packed close together all over the hillsides. They reminded me of the slum areas in Cape Town, South Africa. The dichotomy between the rich and the poor is very evident. I can´t think of any poor areas I have seen in the states that can touch what I have seen in Ghana, South Africa and now Brazil.

We drove 2 hours north to Campinas where we are staying and where the wedding will be performed. I haven´t seen a ton of the city yet but it is very modern and like cities in the states. Last night the groom and bride to be took us to a real Brazilian restaurant. It was amazing. Those of you who have heard of the restaurant "Carnivores" will understand what I experienced a little bit. As soon as we were seated we were inundated with servers bringing us all types of little appetizer things and then skewers of meat. They simply stand by your plate and offer you the selection and cut off how much you want right there. Unlike Carnivores we weren't offered strange meats like camel, but they came in rapid fire with skewer after skewer. It became quite comical after awhile. And of course everything was amazingly good. Then after all this meat, there is a huge salad bar, followed by a dessert tray where again you can select a sample of several things. I am resigned to the fact that I will weigh 100 more pounds than I do now by the time I leave this country. The bride told me at the restaurant that "this was nothing. We will have 26 meats served at the wedding reception". TWENTY-SIX. Did I even know there were 26 ways to cut beef? Good grief. She said to be prepared to eat for about 4 hours. I so did not bring the right dress for this. Really burka would be so much better than the cute little dress I will be wearing. I may explode at that wedding. But really I am excited to be here and to be able to go to the wedding. It will be a real Brazilian one with all the ethnic traditions, etc. I can't wait.

Side note: I am typing this on a Brazilian keyboard which is rather different than a US one so if there are weird or gross typing errors try to ignore them.

The bride and groom met over the internet. No not through E-Harmony or one of those but the internet nonetheless. It really is rather romantic:) Regina was searching for evangelistic ministries and information in Canada but something popped up from the US and was interesting to her. She corresponded with Lee about this ministry he has in the states about his work and materials, etc. Through their theological discussions and sharing they discovered that they had a lot in common and as these things go, the relationship grew from there. For about a year and a half, they communicated by email and phone - never seeing each other in person until Lee moved here about 2 months ago to prepare for the wedding. Of course they exchanged pictures and all but still...they just met face to face a short while ago. Most of you are probably thinking how silly and dangerous and whatever that is but I think it is awesome. Romance isn't dead!! :) They are adorable together and those that know them well here - especially her family - are very approving. It is neat to hear Lee talk about my father and his important role in his life. My dad teaches at Bible Study Fellowship and Lee was a participant in that study for 10 years. Since Lee's parents are gone, he really has no family left. In a very real sense my parents are his parents at this wedding and I have been embraced as a sister. It is so cool and we are all very honored to be here. My parents will even have a role in the wedding!! Lee and Regina are amazingly on fire for the Lord and are involved with a church plant here. They live in the poorer areas near where they serve and their hearts for the lost cannot be missed. I am inspired to be with them and have enjoyed hearing their stories and how they freely share their love for the Lord. What a gift to be here - much more than I ever expected!

So today we will be going with Lee and Regina and another friend of theirs from the states to see the city of Campinas and I am sure eat some more. I am glad they suggested walking in the park b/c that will be necessary with all this eating. I may have to take up running - which by the way I think might actually be a sin:)

I'll write more later and of course there will be pictures at some point. I want to say Obrigada - thank you - for reading and sticking with me through all this transition. Talk to you soon.

The crazy and fun part of being in Colorado

I may write more of the details of the debriefing time I went through in Colorado this past week but for now I just want to post some pictures and details of the fun and relaxing things I got to do which were really needed!!

Some photos from my time out west

These are the 5 single gals who spent quite a bit of time together at our debriefing in Colorado. They were all a source of encouragement and fun for me. L-R: Heather - Mexico, Tina- Central African Republic, Margaret!!, Ari - Russia









Pike's Peak from the back porch at The Hideaway where we had our debriefing time. It was a beautiful retreat place with trails, woods, birds, swings, etc. etc. A real place to rest and process what has happened over the last year or more.








Friday night after the debriefing Margaret and I went to an out door concert. We had already bought tickets weeks ago so the fact that it rained all day was not going to stop us from attending! Somehow we still enjoyed it and have a great memory to boot. Oh yes, we also spent the night in the back of her Aztec with too few blankets and no mattress in the Rocky Mountain National Park. We turned the car on for about 2.5 hours in the middle of the night without cracking a window b/c we were freezing! Praise the Lord we didn't die of carbon monoxide poisoning. We'll remember to crack the window next time:)

On our drive back to Chicago from Colorado Springs, Margaret and I decided to take the scenic route through S. Dakota. We went through Custer State Park and saw the hundreds of buffaloes there - plus amazing scenery. So good for the soul!! These buffaloes were as close to the car as they could get without actually getting in. And they are huge and not shy of giving you the "evil eye"!!




We got to see Mount Rushmore for the first time for both of us. It was awesome. For those who don't know: L-R: George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Theodore Roosevelt and Abraham Lincoln.

The ride home with Margaret was very special. We were able to continue talking about the debriefing we had just gone through, we shared fun and special memories about Ghana and made new memories for the US. I am grateful for the time to debrief and to relax in God's Creation afterwards!

I was able to visit with Kevin and Dayna Garland in Colorado Springs. They had come to Ghana back in Feb. of this year and stayed at my house. It was great to connect with them here and to hike up Stanley Canyon. I think they tried to kill me on that hike but the view at the top was worth it!!







A much needed rest with a great view.













Colorado is so beautiful!












I ran up the last bit of the climb - b/c I was about to die- and as I came over the top this is the view I met. Isn't it amazing? Even on a cloudy day. It was so quiet and serene. I could have stayed there all day but rain was threatening so we had to hurry back down the mountain. It was a very challenging and wonderful hike.

I haven't written in awhile. I have been in Colorado at my debriefing and meetings at HQ. My hope is to write something later this week and put up some pictures too. Talk to you soon!

Gonna miss this

Who knew that a country song so could accurately reflect what God seems to be teaching me at this stage of life - contentment, accepting where He has me now and not longing for something else. I really want to appreciate this stage of my life in spite of its unsettledness. This song I heard on the radio by Trace Adkins really struck me the other day. The verses talk about a daughter who doesn't seem to see where she is or what she has at the moment but is always longing for something else, something more - first being 18 and an adult, then getting married, then having a bigger house for the kids, then wishing the kids were grown up and moved out....you get the point. Wishing her life away. Missing what is right in front of her. Oh my, I don't want to do that. God has blessed me so much and has so much for me right here and now. I don't want to miss it. Here are the words to the chorus.

" You're gonna miss this
You're gonna want this back
You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast
These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you're gonna miss this"

I don't want to look back and regret not appreciating this time back home. I don't want the uncomfortable unsettledness in life to cause me to wish this time away. May God continue to work in me a spirit of contentment regardless of the circumstances.

Some thoughts from this past Wednesday morning

I started reading a book recently called “Calm my anxious heart” by Linda Dillow. I was smacked upside the head in the very first chapter, pages actually. It was a good smack. The focus of this chapter was on contentment in whatever God has given as my portion, regardless of the circumstances. Not being content with what God gives breeds anxiety and then I try to take control of my life instead of leaving it to Him. I have been struggling with an anxious heart since I returned home. I have not been content that God has seen fit to have me walk through a time of life where I have many, many unknowns for the future. I have been focused on my circumstances and not on the One who controls them so I have been striving to direct and control anything and everything I can. Doesn’t that sound like a pleasant and restful heart? Definitely not! The Deceiver has been feeding me the same old line he fed to Eve – that God isn’t good and is withholding something good from me, therefore I must take things into my own hands to get what I want. Just this morning the Lord revealed to me how I was falling for that lie hook, line and sinker. The verses that I focused on this morning are Psalm 84:11-12. “For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord gives grace and glory; no good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly. O Lord of hosts, how blessed is the man who trusts in Thee!” That doesn’t sound like a God who is plotting to withhold good things from me. The truth of God’s word pounding down a lie of the devil. These same thoughts were repeated in “Calm my anxious heart”. “Contentment is essentially a matter of accepting from God’s hand what He sends because we know that He is good and therefore it is good.” (J.I Packer) Do you find that hard to swallow? I do. There are some things in life that are just plain hard, harder than not knowing what the future holds, and yet they are from the hand of a good God. It is a matter of believing that God is good and that the plans he has for me are “plans to prosper (me) and not to harm (me), plans to give (me) hope and a future.” (Jer. 29:11) A friend in Ghana wrote in an email recently regarding the future and its uncertainty... “there is no need to fret. The future is God’s and (you) are His Beloved”. What a precious truth. I am His Beloved and He holds my future in His good hand!

Pictures from Indiana

Me with my Aunt Pam who so graciously took me to the NASCAR Brickyard 400 race in Indianapolis this past weekend. It was great!! And a real sacrifice for her b/c it is about a 4 hour race and she was there just for me!












Had to put on one shot of the race track and the cars. Nothing quite like the roar of 43 stock cars:)











Me with my dear friend/sister, Cindy. We grew up just one house apart in Liberia and most of my days were spent at her house with Cindy and her sisters. We had a great talk and took a nice walk down a peaceful country road with the sunsetting on the corn fields. Just beautiful. She'll be embarrassed that I wrote this but she is a real example to me of a godly woman and I know she gives God all the credit for that.








Uncle Alton and Aunt Helen Buck. These are Cindy's parents who are very dear to me. We sat and talked for a long time about living in Africa (they were in Liberia for about 20 years I think), re-entry to the states and trusting God. It was an incredibly encouraging and enjoyable time.

How does it feel to be home?

The most frequently asked question I am getting these days is "how does it feel to be home?" followed by "do you know what you will be doing yet?" These are seemingly easy questions on the surface but I find myself fumbling for an answer every time - especially to the first one. How does it feel to be home? Honestly it feels strange. A friend told me that living overseas (for whatever reason) ruins you. I am seeing that that is true. While Ghana never felt entirely like home, being "home" in the US doesn't feel like home either. I remember very well going through this same thing when we returned from seven years in Liberia in 1980. It is challenging to come back and live where you are supposed to be at "home" but it doesn't really feel like home. Don't get me wrong, I am enjoying many things - seeing family and friends, eating at favorite restaurants, driving on good roads and looking at amazing scenery, drinking from the faucet, electricity all the time, an amazingly fast internet, etc. etc. - but deep down I feel disconnected. I feel like I am standing on slippery sand and haven't quite got my feet under me yet. I am in limbo. Maybe that is the problem more than anything else. It seems at this moment that pretty much everything in my life is up in the air. While on one hand that brings a surge of excitement at all the possibilities, it seems that most mornings I wake up with my mind racing and feeling a slight panic that nothing is nailed down. Ah the joys of major transition and the unknown.

I started this post about a week ago and am adding to it just tonight (7/22). I was out-of-town so I haven't written in awhile. The above is still true although I am feeling more "steady" than I was when I originally wrote that. Nope, nothing has really changed - except my focus. While at my friend's house in NC this past weekend I spent a lot of time talking with her about trust in God - for the now and the future. My focus had been on me, my circumstances, my feelings, etc. Not that these things don't matter to some degree but when they are the focus for me, fear and doubt and worry are not far behind. I actually have friends on both sides of the Atlantic reminding me to keep my focus on the Lord and His amazing love for me. He holds my future in His completely capable and trustworthy hands. That is where my focus belongs and that is what I am focusing on:) It is a daily battle - sometimes a minute by minute battle- to be still and let the Lord do what only He can do and leave the future to Him. I am so thankful for His love and power. And grateful to the Lord for people who care and keep me pointed in the right direction.

My friend, Jan

So does everybody have a friend in their life that is always getting in to trouble in some way? This past weekend I stayed in Charlotte with my dear friends, Jan and Bob. Why, you might ask, am I on my knees with my face planted on the floor? Good question. Jan dropped her necklace through a crack in the floor on the deck and there really wasn't a way to go under the deck and get it. At least not that she nor I were willing to do. So I took a hanger and fished it out. Of course while I am down here doing the "dirty" work, what is my dear, sweet friend doing? Laughing hysterically and yelling for her husband to go get the camera. It is ok. The last time we laughed like that it involved a porta-potty. I won't go into details:)




Me and Jan after rescuing the necklace. My face is still red from being face down on the floor.








While I was in Charlotte I also got to see Lee's parents and Michelle's parents at SIM as well as Uncle Dave and Aunt Mary Naff who lived next door to us at ELWA in Liberia and Aunt Helen Inman who was a teacher at ELWA. Additionally I got to spend a little time with Annie, my sister from Liberia. And finally at church on Sunday we ran into Dr. Norm and Barb Geisler who have been family friends since about when I was born. Of course I didn't have my camera with me for any of these encounters. Bummer. But it was great to be able to see so many friends and supporters at one time. Overall it was a fun and restful time.

Being an aunt

I really enjoy being an aunt. You know how it is...I get them all riled up and then leave and the parents have to put them to bed or whatever. Ah yes, very nice. Actually today I went up after service at my home church and met my brother Jeff and his wife Bev and the kids at their church. It was a little reunion of sorts at their church in Kenosha, WI b/c the pastor and his wife are a couple I knew from years ago at a different church. But the best part was the afternoon at Jeff and Bev's new house in Kenosha. It is really beautiful. The kids and I had a great time together. Emmett, the oldest, and Cullen, the youngest, were running around and wrestling. I was treated to a beauty salon experience by my niece Haven while Oliver bounced on my lap and snuggled with me. What could be better than having my hair played with and being snuggled by the cutest 4 year old I know? It was awesome. And they didn't want Aunt Suzanne to leave! What a nice welcome home.

Oh by the way, gas prices here are unbelievable. I am driving a small car that gets good gas mileage and it cost $40 to fill it up today. I almost passed out. $4.29 per gallon!!! And once again I must state that I had to pump it myself. For that price they should pump it and drive me home! I won't be racing up to Kenosha every other day that is for sure.

Sweet Home Chicago

Yesterday I had some business in Chicago so my mom and I took the train down. I really enjoy doing that. I used to do it weekly when I went to college down there. It is so much easier than driving and I can relax and look out the window, read or listen to music or in this case talk to my mom. Very nice. Chicago is a beautiful city - in the summer. In the winter it is pretty too but it is just plain cold then. It has the energy of a big city, with amazing architecture, flowers everywhere, the lake front, Navy Pier, cafes on the sidewalk, the Magnificent Mile, Lake Shore Drive...oh my I could just go on and on. I really like to go down and simply walk around with no specific time frame or destination in mind. I highly recommend you visit Chicago in the summer. There is so much going on! Below are a few pictures of the city and more on the photo link on the left bar.

Shot from Millennium Park in down town Chicago looking across Michigan Ave.

























I am standing at the bridge where Michigan Ave. crosses Wacker. Not far from the Wrigley Building - of yes - Wrigley Field and Wrigley gum.















Just strolling down Michigan Ave.






















The Chicago River from Adams St. You can see the Chicago Sun Times building straight ahead.
I took a boat on an architectural tour down this river. It was fascinating and I am not even into architecture that much.













Part of Millennium Park where they have concerts, restaurants, water splash in summer and skating in winter, street shows, art exhibits and much much more.

I am still laughing at the little "Ghanaian" things that I am doing - or almost doing - these days. Today in a restaurant I just barely stopped myself from making the "ssst" noise at the waiter in a restaurant. And I thought to myself, "well how do I get his attention"? Plus I keep forgetting that it is ok for me to give things to people with my left hand. In Ghana the proper thing to do is always use your right hand.

The one thing I am enjoying immensely is just driving around and looking at the country side and the nice suburban homes. Everything is so beautifully laid out and landscaped. There is one road that I love to drive down b/c as I come to the top of a small hill suddenly this farm rolls out in front of me. Lush green fields as far as the eye can see, with nicely cared for black fences outlining each field and pasture, horses gleaming in the sun and of course the stately home with the fancy gate and long driveway leading up to it. It is just beautiful and I can't seem to take in enough of the pretty landscapes here. I could just drive around all day looking at them if gas prices weren't so high. This is a huge difference from Ghana where most roads are lined with small crowded shacks, trash and mud. Although there are moments where I miss the adventure of driving down the road in front of my house there, at this time I am truly enjoying the beauty that is Lake County.

And I have almost stopped reaching for the stick shift and pushing the floor looking for the clutch. God did put an amazing ability to accommodate in us that is for sure.

Laughing at myself

I have found a couple of things over the last few days that I had completely forgotten about living in America. One thing is that little screen by the cash register where you slide your card and then sign on it. It actually took me a minute yesterday of staring at the thing to remember what to do. Today I realized, after driving the car for 3 days, that it has that little remote thing to lock and unlock the doors. I walked into the place I was going almost laughing out loud at myself b/c of my silliness. What would I forget if I was gone for 2 or 3 or 6 years?!! I am appalled to find out that I have to pump my own gas here. That is just wrong on so many levels! In Ghana you couldn't pump your own gas even if you wanted. And driving isn't nearly as boring here as I thought it might be but that is probably b/c I am flying down the nicely paved highways at a speed I am not supposed to be doing. I started curbing that today. I think driving a little bit slower and actually being able to see the scenery go by is much nicer. Just occasionally I have to drive like Jeff Gordon to get it out of my system.

Today I think I drove the guy behind the counter at Panda Express a tad crazy. He was in this mode of firing questions at people in line of what they wanted at a very rapid rate. So when I got up to the counter I deliberately answered slowly and took a few minutes to decide what I wanted. There was no one behind me but nonetheless I think it is a contest to see if they can get each person thru the line in record speed. Ah the clash of cultures. I have gotten used to sitting at a Ghanaian restaurant where it might take an hour or more to get your food. I just wanted to say to the guy "don't push me!" Those that know me well know I don't like to be pushed. Anyway, the orange chicken was very nice.

The trip back to the states

My trip started at about 5:15am on July 4th. Michelle and Eva took me to the airport where we said quick good-byes. At the Accra airport, no one is allowed in the terminals except ticketed passengers and if you take too long saying good-bye on the curb you run the risk of getting your car "booted". Not a fun thing. So we said good-bye and then I pushed my rather heavy cart over to the customs agent. He looked at me, looked at my bags and then put the chalk mark on them without opening anything. Over to the guy to weigh my bags who looked at me, looked at my bags and sent me through without weighing a thing. At this point I am thinking this is great, so much easier than I thought it would be. But then I get to the check-in counter where I have to lift each checked bag onto the conveyer belt to be tagged and then back onto my cart. I am not the strongest person in the world and I didn't appreciate having to lift those bags back and forth. But I am thinking ok I am checked in this is good. Until I am moved along in the line to where they check my bags. And by check I mean unpack and rifle through each and every bag! This is a surprise to me b/c I have left this airport twice without going through all that and then I realize that this plane flies straight to the US so the security standards are very high.  Finally I get to go with my carry-on to the lounge. Somehow through all the screening up there my carry-on is x-rayed and opened and rifled through 2x and I am given a "full body pat down" about 3-4 times. By this time they have me believing that I might be a drug dealer or security risk. Good grief!!! And of course at JFK everything is x-rayed and checked through again. Fortunately I managed to escape without being frisked again!

The flight from Accra to JFK was about 10.5 hours and seemed much longer than that. I wasn't in the best frame of mind, I had a headache and there were unsupervised children roaming the plane and trying to destroy the bathroom doors that were very close to my seat. Wow. I was not doing well. I couldn't sleep and they didn't have any movies for us b/c the machine was broken. This is not the best to start my return back home. While I wouldn't have minded a traveling companion for most of the trip, I realized upon arriving at JFK that I was very cranky and so it was probably best that I was alone:) Actually it was kind of nice to be in that busy airport with everyone absorbed in their own lives and flights so that I could just sit and recover and people watch in peace. It was a bit odd to not have my white skin stand out like a neon light and not be called "obroni". Sweet anonymity - at least for that time it was sweet. Even though I was on American soil, I didn't feel at home at all. But the desire to spend money sure rushed back with familiarity. That was a surprise. There is so much at my fingertips - almost anything and everything you could want. Fortunately I escaped with only buying a piece of not great NY style pizza. Can't wait for Chicago pizza!

A few things in the airport that surprised me - the availability of as many napkins as you want, getting change for a $20 without any hassles or someone having to hunt down the change, an ipod/phone charging station that was free and the abundance of clean bathrooms. My eyes were immediately drawn to Burger King and Starbucks. I noticed that there was no humidity at all and my hair had a bit of static in it. I was of course freezing as the central air was blasting away. And the JFK security and airport people were amazingly efficient and organized. They make things as streamlined and smooth as possible for people- and they were really nice and helpful. As I was sitting at my gate, I suddenly remembered that it was the fourth of July. No one in the airport seemed to notice or care.

The plane from Accra left on time and got me to JFK in plenty of time to catch my connector to Chicago. The plane to Chicago happened to be delayed for 2 hours so I had more than enough time. Generally speaking I don't mind sitting in airports unless I am completely exhausted. This time it was good. A chai tea latte from Starbucks was a good "pick me up" and so I could people watch to my heart's content. We finally leave for Chicago and I am able to sleep on this flight. PTL. Once we start our decent to O'Hare, my heart jumps and my adrenaline starts flowing. I am so excited I can hardly keep my seat. I actually am tearing up when I see the high rises and Navy Pier. Chicago is a great and beautiful city. Now I am feeling like I am home. We get to see lots of fireworks all over the city as we land. That was really neat. Somehow in the middle of all this wonderful stuff, I have a dull, vague feeling that part of me is missing and I left it in Ghana.

At O'Hare my fellow passengers and I find out that b/c the small plane we are on was overweight, a bunch of our bags were left behind in NY. I have 2 of my 3 and so must stand in line to fill out the forms to get the third one delivered to the house. By this time I have connected with my parents and that is really great. It is about 1am on Sat. when I finally get home. Basically a 24 hour travel period if you stick with one time zone. I am completely exhausted but somehow still wake up at 6:30am as I would have done in Ghana. Weird. 

My first impressions at the house were that I could drink water out of the faucet. Two days later I still have to remind myself that that is ok. I don't have to wait for the hot water heater to run for a hot shower. I put real cow's milk in my morning hot tea - and it ruins the taste:) And it is cold! My mom and I sit on the back porch where I am wrapped in two fleeces and holding a hot cup of tea. There doesn't appear to be any humidity in the air and I feel dry. Strange. But my mother's back yard is beautiful as always. She has a real gift with flowers and I had put up bird feeders for her a couple of years ago and it is all just wonderful. I can hear the call of my favorite little bird, the nuthatch, before I see it. I have missed sitting on this porch watching the birds flit around the feeders. I find it extremely relaxing.

The weather over the last two days has been perfect. Blue skies, 80 degrees and sunny. Really nice for watching a fourth of July parade (on the 6th) and being with family. My emotions seem to be all over the place and I am still recovering from jetlag. It is good to be home. It is also strange to be home. I actually feel like I am just visiting for a couple of months and then I will be gone. But to where I don't know at this point. It is just a feeling. Yesterday at church I surprised many people b/c only about 4-5 knew that I was coming home this past weekend. It was wonderful to see everyone and to be in my home church. There were moments when I missed the music of my church in Accra, especially during the offering time when they sing in Twi and we dance down to the baskets. But overall it was wonderful to be back and to be hugged by so many good friends and caring people.

I am sure I will have many more emotions to look at over the next days and weeks. Right now I am going to go have lunch with my best friend and enjoy it. :)