This past weekend I spent a couple of days with Margaret, John and Erin up at a place called Mountain Paradise about three hours outside of Accra. It was a nice time away from the city. The place we went to is way up on the top of a mountain and is rather small so it is pretty quiet. There really isn't anything to do but hike, read, talk, rest, and eat. We did all of those quite a bit. John can play the guitar very well and we enjoyed a couple of worship times with him leading us.
The hike we went on was rather insane now that I think about it but at the time it was great. The "path" is about a foot wide and only had a couple of places where there were ropes to hang on to. We could have used rope or rails in many, many places:) Of course we decided to go without a guide and that was interesting as the trail wasn't smoothed over or laid out like hiking paths in the states. At one point we were literally walking along the side of the cliff while leaning into the ground to keep from sliding down. I slid along on my backside more than once rather than trust gym shoes on wet leaves. (It had poured the night before). The only seriously scary thing was when John went to retrieve a bottle of water that I had accidentally knocked out of the backpack. It was at the top of the rock cliff that we had to go down to get to the waterfall. He carefully walked down the slope to get the bottle but then it was too steep and slippery to go back up. Against our better judgment he decided to come down the rest of the slope towards where we were sitting with the rope. But he didn't realize that if he slid and missed grabbing the one small tree in his way, he would fall off the cliff to the rocks and the creek below. But going back up for him was equally dangerous. So needless to say he did slide but by the grace of God he was able to grab the tree and didn't go over the edge. Our hearts were racing and so was his! Finally after we all calmed down he inched his way over to where we were and was safe. B/c of this we almost didn't go down the rock cliff with the rope as it had scared us quite a bit. After debating and looking things over we all went down. Basically we held onto a good rope and either repelled or climbed down the side of the cliff. Not having really repelled before I used footholds and sliding on my stomach to get down:) The waterfall and pool at the bottom were so beautiful. Pictures don't do it full justice. It was very peaceful and not disturbed by humans at all. Well worth the trip down. Going back up was simply using foot holds and pulling hand over hand on the rope. I really enjoyed it although I knew some previously unused muscles would be screaming at me the next day. All in all the hike was about 3 hours or more and we were drenched and exhausted by the time we got back. It was one of those great sweats where you have worked hard and feels good. No forest preserve in America would ever let people do the things we had to do to complete that hike. There would have been ropes and steps and rails everywhere but we enjoyed figuring out where the path went and getting through to the end.
The next day we had a little Easter service and then spent time on our own with the Lord. It was good. And the food there was exceptional. Some of the best Ghanaian food I have had since being here. I'd like to say that I was relieved of all that I have been struggling with for the last several weeks or more but that isn't true. I am thankful though for the time away and for friends and for quiet time with the Lord in His creation. And it was fun to build some memories with friends who will be leaving soon.
(See pictures below).
Monday, March 24, 2008
Easter weekend at Mountain Paradise in the Volta Region of Ghana
The view from the back porch.
The group: Margaret, Erin, John and me.
For those of you who don't know...this is how a pineapple grows:)
The waterfall that we climbed up and down the cliff for. It was worth it!
The cliff that we had to go down to get to the waterfall and then back up. Yes that rope is all I had to hold on to up and down:) We more or less repelled down and just pulled hand over hand (with foot holds) to get back up. Surprisingly I wasn't that scared and actually enjoyed it!
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
saying good-bye to margaret
I was reading a book this morning called "The Sacred Romance" and it sparked some thoughts in me regarding the difficulty I am having in anticipating Margaret's leaving in June. I think it comes down to a level of intimacy that friends and roommates can have (which of course is similar in some ways to marriage but also very different!). Margaret and I do a lot of things together. Like last night we went to exercise and swim at a near by hotel. After swimming we just sat by the pool and shared a pizza and talked and rested. It was a simple but special time. And on the way home we sang along to the music at the tops of our voices. We run errands, go shopping, make meals and entertain, sit in traffic, etc. etc. together. We have had many laughs together, we have cried, we have nursed each other through sicknesses, we have shared tough stuff with each other and we have worked through conflict. I really can see that working through the conflict we had back in Nov/Dec of 2007 made a tremendous impact on our relationship - for the better. It gave us an understanding of our different personalities and preferences. Instead of driving us apart, it forged a deeper knowing and a willingness to accommodate to the differences. I have grown in areas of my life b/c of this. It is nice to have a certain level of being known and knowing someone. Many of you will have this with your spouse or your family or a roommate or friend. (Really it is what we all long for.) For example, after sharing many a morning meal together over the last 8 months, we know how to make each other's toast - she likes it dark and I like it medium light. I know that when I make cookies she likes just plain 'ol chocolate chips in hers. She doesn't want nuts or other stuff. She knows that I like my Coke to come with the meal not before and I drink it straight from the bottle so she can order for me. We have inside jokes that have developed over the months that even if I shared them with you, you wouldn't really get it. It is all these things and more that make a friendship special and meaningful. We have a history now. It is hard to let go of something meaningful and enjoyable. Hard to trust that God knows all this and has something else in mind that is still good. But He does. There is and will be grieving b/c saying good bye to Margaret is a loss. My choice now is to withdraw and protect myself over the next three months or to jump in and enjoy the time we have until the very end. As an MK (missionary kid) my first reaction is protection. But God has been working in me and although it is hard at times, I am not going to withdraw but embrace the time we have left and make more memories. Praise the Lord for good friends. They are a gift from Him. My grandmother collected plates with different sayings on them and this is one that I always remember: "False friends are like autumn leaves, found everywhere. True friends are like diamonds, precious but rare." Margaret is a true friend that God gave me for a season. Thank you Lord.
Friday, March 14, 2008
A new perspective is growing
God is lifting up me up in the middle of things. Circumstances are pretty much the same – my roommate and several friends finish their terms and leave
HCJB Global responds to flooding in Ecuador
You can watch a video clip on the flooding in Ecuador and the emergency response to help those in need. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H-01_cdpeWw
Our most recent news article on the flooding can be read at this link:
Our most recent news article on the flooding can be read at this link:
Monday, March 3, 2008
A hard few weeks
I haven't written much in awhile - at least nothing personal. You will find the reason(s) for that as you continue reading. I have been dealing with a severe case of culture stress. Culture stress is one of those things that goes through phases but not in a direct line and some times a person can circle back on a phase. This time I was caught very unaware and hit broadside by the intensity of the stress. For about 3-4 weeks I have been feeling extremely sad and homesick, angry and irritable, finding little joy in almost everything. I have felt insecure and afraid, a strong dislike for this place the Lord has called me to, and yes, questioning whether or not I made the right decision to come here and should I stay here. All these things were building up so much in me that I thought I couldn't stand it one more minute. Those around me knew something was wrong but most couldn't put a finger on it - neither did I. I knew I was tired from dealing with all the sickness in my house since Jan. and I was stressed from planning this conference that we had here recently but I didn't realize that underneath it all was culture stress. I guess I thought that I had already gone through this phase and was moving on. Not quite right. I am in what is referred to as the distress phase or the disintegration phase. Nice words, huh? That's about how it feels. On top of all this is something I know I have felt strongly but haven't really stopped to assess or deal with and that is "self-shock". Otherwise known as a major identity crisis. I will quote an article that helped me understand what I have been experiencing. "Like many transitions in life we frequently ask ourselves "who am I?" But unlike the transitions we face at home, moving to a new cultural environment can turn from culture shock to "self-shock". Imagine for a moment other changes and transitions you have faced in your lifetime. All the while, you were surrounded by family, friends, colleagues and a community that, in effect, helped you find the answer to "who am I?" by sharing societal norms and standards. While you wrestled with the change, you were able to look at and tap into what was commonly understood and acceptable all around you. At home we have a mirror which helps to validate and re-affirm us. Within a new environment, the mirror no longer exists. So, at a time when you are seeking the answer to the "who am I?" question, your surroundings are asking "who are you?"."
This has taken its toll on me. I have realized bits and pieces but more of the whole is coming together. I noticed a long time ago that Ghanaians respond to certain people more readily than others. Way back at the beginning of living here I saw that when my roommate, Margaret, and I went out together Ghanaians were drawn to her quickly. Now apart from the fact that she is beautiful it was more a personality trait that caused it. Ghana is a land where most people are very passionate, loud, gregarious and outgoing. I am - at first, until I get to know someone - a reserved, shy, observing person. See the struggle already. My passion, humor, excitement, etc. doesn't reveal itself immediately - even in America. It comes later. I have been struggling with how to fit into this culture. Do I try to change the way God has wired me so that I am liked and connect to people here more quickly? Do I go with the way God has wired me and trust him to build relationships in time? Is there something in the middle that I can adapt to without losing who I have been created to be? These are hard questions in any part of life and I am finding them very hard to answer and figure out in the middle of a culture that is so vastly different from my own. And not only is the culture different from America but my personality style is very different from here. This is the "self-shock" or identity crisis that has been going on inside me though not always acknowledged.
What are some of the results of this prolonged emotional, mental and even physical stress? Here are a few - fatigue, susceptibility to illness, irritability, sadness, uncertainty, discouragement, homesickness, lack of joy, fear, - just to name a few. This is how I have been feeling for about 3-4 weeks. Because I couldn't name it and figure out where it all was coming from, I couldn't really speak about it or write about it. I have been meeting with someone who "specializes" in working with missionaries who suffer from culture stress all the way to those who have gone through traumatic events on the field. It has helped tremendously. Can culture stress be avoided? NO. There is always stress in life and there is always stress in trying to adjust to a new culture. The key is managing the stress - decreasing it to a level where I can live without being distressed, where I can thrive and not just survive. I haven't been taking these steps b/c - surprisingly to me - I didn't realize what was going on. I am exhausted and now I know why. "Uninterrupted stress of enough intensity leads to exhaustion sooner or later in most individuals." I am there!
So what can be done? Well writing this to you is a step. Meeting with a specialist is a step. Recognizing what - at least in part - is going on is a step. Other steps will include being patient with myself as I navigate these things. I need to work into my schedule times of respite and being alone with God. Not just a short time of devotions but some real time away. That may be simply going to a nearby pool for a few hours to sit and read and look at the beauty of God's creation there. It may be going away for a day or two periodically. Real Sabbath time. It certainly means communicating with those I work with and share life with. For me it really involves looking at who I am and what I will allow to be changed in me. "Acculturation inherently involves changes in your personality, so determine the unchangeables." Living in a new and vastly different culture will change me. It already has in many ways but it will change me more if I am willing and if I want to thrive here for two more years. This point will be challenging for me. As one who has spent much of her life rearranging who she is to please someone, I am extremely sensitive to doing that anymore. But often the pendulum swings too far in the other direction and so somehow there is a good middle ground that can be found. It will take some time and some work to find that middle ground.
And the most important thing of all is clinging to the Lord. Perhaps that is part of the reason I am here - to learn to cling to him when all my normal or favorite things are back home, when my usual resources for coping are gone, when everything is different and little is comfortable. Will I still cling to him now? Is my faith in him real or was it only there when I was on the mountain top? Do I still believe that He is the same God now - in the valley - that He was when I was filled with peace and joy not just one year ago? It seems to always come back to this for me. Do I really believe what His Word says about Him when all that I am seeing and feeling and experiencing says otherwise? Is the promise of His presence with me enough in this dark time?
Jeremy Camp has a great song that addresses this very question. He wrote it after his young wife passed away. This is just the chorus below.
"I still believe in Your faithfulness
I still believe in Your truth
I still believe in Your holy word
even when I don't see, I still believe"
That last line is the one that I cling to and repeat over and over. Crying out to the Lord to help me in my doubt and fear and pain - and homesickness. Even when I don't see, I still believe.
I ask you to pray for me as I navigate these waters. Recognition has helped immensely but there is still much to deal with on a daily basis. Thank you for your prayers and support.
This has taken its toll on me. I have realized bits and pieces but more of the whole is coming together. I noticed a long time ago that Ghanaians respond to certain people more readily than others. Way back at the beginning of living here I saw that when my roommate, Margaret, and I went out together Ghanaians were drawn to her quickly. Now apart from the fact that she is beautiful it was more a personality trait that caused it. Ghana is a land where most people are very passionate, loud, gregarious and outgoing. I am - at first, until I get to know someone - a reserved, shy, observing person. See the struggle already. My passion, humor, excitement, etc. doesn't reveal itself immediately - even in America. It comes later. I have been struggling with how to fit into this culture. Do I try to change the way God has wired me so that I am liked and connect to people here more quickly? Do I go with the way God has wired me and trust him to build relationships in time? Is there something in the middle that I can adapt to without losing who I have been created to be? These are hard questions in any part of life and I am finding them very hard to answer and figure out in the middle of a culture that is so vastly different from my own. And not only is the culture different from America but my personality style is very different from here. This is the "self-shock" or identity crisis that has been going on inside me though not always acknowledged.
What are some of the results of this prolonged emotional, mental and even physical stress? Here are a few - fatigue, susceptibility to illness, irritability, sadness, uncertainty, discouragement, homesickness, lack of joy, fear, - just to name a few. This is how I have been feeling for about 3-4 weeks. Because I couldn't name it and figure out where it all was coming from, I couldn't really speak about it or write about it. I have been meeting with someone who "specializes" in working with missionaries who suffer from culture stress all the way to those who have gone through traumatic events on the field. It has helped tremendously. Can culture stress be avoided? NO. There is always stress in life and there is always stress in trying to adjust to a new culture. The key is managing the stress - decreasing it to a level where I can live without being distressed, where I can thrive and not just survive. I haven't been taking these steps b/c - surprisingly to me - I didn't realize what was going on. I am exhausted and now I know why. "Uninterrupted stress of enough intensity leads to exhaustion sooner or later in most individuals." I am there!
So what can be done? Well writing this to you is a step. Meeting with a specialist is a step. Recognizing what - at least in part - is going on is a step. Other steps will include being patient with myself as I navigate these things. I need to work into my schedule times of respite and being alone with God. Not just a short time of devotions but some real time away. That may be simply going to a nearby pool for a few hours to sit and read and look at the beauty of God's creation there. It may be going away for a day or two periodically. Real Sabbath time. It certainly means communicating with those I work with and share life with. For me it really involves looking at who I am and what I will allow to be changed in me. "Acculturation inherently involves changes in your personality, so determine the unchangeables." Living in a new and vastly different culture will change me. It already has in many ways but it will change me more if I am willing and if I want to thrive here for two more years. This point will be challenging for me. As one who has spent much of her life rearranging who she is to please someone, I am extremely sensitive to doing that anymore. But often the pendulum swings too far in the other direction and so somehow there is a good middle ground that can be found. It will take some time and some work to find that middle ground.
And the most important thing of all is clinging to the Lord. Perhaps that is part of the reason I am here - to learn to cling to him when all my normal or favorite things are back home, when my usual resources for coping are gone, when everything is different and little is comfortable. Will I still cling to him now? Is my faith in him real or was it only there when I was on the mountain top? Do I still believe that He is the same God now - in the valley - that He was when I was filled with peace and joy not just one year ago? It seems to always come back to this for me. Do I really believe what His Word says about Him when all that I am seeing and feeling and experiencing says otherwise? Is the promise of His presence with me enough in this dark time?
Jeremy Camp has a great song that addresses this very question. He wrote it after his young wife passed away. This is just the chorus below.
"I still believe in Your faithfulness
I still believe in Your truth
I still believe in Your holy word
even when I don't see, I still believe"
That last line is the one that I cling to and repeat over and over. Crying out to the Lord to help me in my doubt and fear and pain - and homesickness. Even when I don't see, I still believe.
I ask you to pray for me as I navigate these waters. Recognition has helped immensely but there is still much to deal with on a daily basis. Thank you for your prayers and support.