Today I was reading in Luke 19 about Christ's triumphant ride into Jerusalem. It struck me how the crowds that were cheering Him and praising Him as He rode in would soon be the ones screaming "Crucify him" with anger and hatred. I wondered at the turn of their hearts so easily. I wonder if it was b/c Jesus didn't give them what they wanted, what they had set their hearts on and so they turned on Him with a vengeance. The people wanted a savior, not of their souls but to free them from Roman rule, from the uncomfortable situation in which they found themselves. I started thinking about how I do the same thing. How I get an idea or a plan or a dream in my heart and I basically tell God how it should be. Or at least I hold fast to it and don't give the Lord room to work and move as He chooses. And when things don't go the way I have set my heart on them to go, I get angry at God. I, in fact, some times turn on him in anger and rage. Even now as I sit here reading and writing I am struggling with this very thing. My life is not where I thought it would be, some of my dreams - precious ones- have not come true and I find it hard not to turn on God b/c He hasn't done things my way. It is incredibly easy to focus on my feelings, my logic, my plans and the circumstances that surround me and become discouraged or upset. I am not living life as I had planned. Here is a key though to not walking down that road. Focus on the truth's of who God is and hold fast to them. It is one thing to say "I believe God is good and He has a plan for me and He will take care of me" when things are going "my" way. It is a whole other ballgame when I am walking an unfamiliar and even unwanted path. That is when trust and faith really show themselves for what they are. I must cling to the truth that God is good and that His plans for me are for my good and my growth. They are not for what I think they should be - my comfort and happiness. But they are good plans coming from the hand of a good God who loves me like no other. So as this time of uncertainty and the unknown continues, I keep resetting my eyes on the One who holds the future and who loves me perfectly. I must not turn on Him - or turn away from Him - when life doesn't go my way b/c His way is the best way. I can't see what is down the road and what I have planned and think is perfect and wonderful may be way off b/c of my limited vision. God help me to stay focused on You and the truths of who You are so that I can let go of all my plans and dreams and grab on to what You have for me.

Wow it has been a very long time since I have written anything on here. I guess maybe it is because there isn't anything profound going on at this time. I haven't traveled anywhere since the end of Oct., I haven't had any major revelations regarding the future and what God wants me to do next, and it is cold in Chicago so I am not real excited about getting out and doing new things. :) But I will say that I have had some wonderful times with family - like Thanksgiving - and am so thankful to be re-establishing and growing friendships. I also have time to spend with the Lord and that is the biggest blessing of all. Not saying that I always use my time wisely but I am grateful for this time of life as strange and uncertain as it is. Well that is it for now I am sorry to tell you. Hopefully next time I write I will have something to say. :) Merry Christmas if I don't "talk" to you before then.