Oh dear the posts are getting further and further apart. Either I am busy or just not in a writing frame of mind or.... It is probably some of both and other things. I find it hard to write now that I am in the states as compared to when I was in Ghana. So many things were different and interesting there - it was easy to write. But here where most everything is known and comfortable it is much harder to write. There is a lot going on internally but at this time it is too deep and personal to share on a public domain. So I find myself apologizing again for the lack of communication on this front. Updating on facebook is so much easier, isn't it? :)

I will let those of you who are still checking this blog know that I am engaged. Yep... may be hard to believe but it is true. I met a guy last Aug/Sept and we have spent the last 11 months or so getting to know each other. We became "serious" and intentional back in Jan. His name is Dean and I love to tell people that he picked me up in a bar b/c he did!! We both do country dancing and I met him through a mutual friend at the local place where we dance. He is a fantastic 2-stepper and a great lead. Well he can do most any couples country dance and do it well. I love dancing with him. We have a lot in common and the most important thing is that he loves the Lord with all his heart. He is a good, honest, kind man and I am blown away that God crossed our paths. He proposed just about 2 weeks ago and we will be having a small, intimate wedding in Oct. I'll be moving to WI where he now lives once we are married.

So I am sure that is another reason I haven't been writing as much. Well this is just the briefest of updates but at least it is something. I'll try to be better at keeping up!! Blessings.

Wow it has been so very long since I have actually written something meaningful. I don't know that I will break that pattern now but you never know. All I can say is that there is a great amount of internal work going on with me and it is rather raw and painful at this time so it is pretty hard to write about. The last few months have been good in many ways and filled with anxiety and struggle at the same time. I still don't see the direction that my life is to take at this point and that is quite difficult... and yet it is ok. God is at work - in me and around me even if I don't see it clearly. I have been exhorted by two dear friends to focus on two truths concerning the Lord. The first is that God is enough. No matter what I face, what I have lost, what I need... God is enough! The second is that God is good. Again no matter what life and circumstances might be suggesting... God is good! These are the themes that keep coming around in my life. I used to think that I was a slow learner and just wasn't getting it... and maybe in some ways that is true. But I also see how each time the same lesson comes around that it goes a little deeper, another layer of the onion is taken off. This isn't fun. It is painful and frustrating and tiring but in the end it is worth it. Some times I don't want to talk to God at all or read His word or write about anything b/c I am resisting His work or running away or just plain ignoring Him. I don't recommend any of these as they prolong the process. God loves me... and you ... too much to let us wallow in sin and chains that He wants to free us from. Would I like for Him to just break the chains once and for all and not have to deal with it again?? Absolutely!! But we all know that then in my humanness that still torments me, I would not turn to Him in desperation as I do now. I would not cling to Him through the struggle and the pain but would just go on my merry way. I'd like to think that wouldn't be true but I look at my life and the lives of others and it is the way it is. We humans are so prone to wanting to be in control and do for ourselves that when all seems well in our lives we are perfectly happy to let it ride and keep God in the periphery. It is when something painful and tragic happens that we stop for a moment to see what is going on, to hear Him and to finally acknowledge that He wants more than our scraps. So here I am in a rather strange phase of life... working through deep heart issues with Him, wanting to move forward but needing Him to break chains so that I can be free to do so. And oh I want freedom so badly. There is purpose in the struggle. I am finally reminding myself of that. There is purpose in the wrestling. Intimacy with God is there and that is what I long for most of all. It is just my human self wants it to be easy but that is not how it works in a fallen world. For now I cling to the truths that have been brought to my attention... God is enough and God is good. May they both be imbedded on my heart in a new, deeper way so that my mind and life can be transformed for His glory.

Utterly abandoned to the Holy Ghost!
Seeking all His fulness at whatever cost;
Cutting all the shore-lines, launching in the deep
Of His might power - strong to save and keep.

Utterly abandoned to the Holy Ghost!
Oh! the sinking, sinking, until self is lost!
Until the emptied vessel lies broken at His feet;
Waiting till His filling shall make the work complete.

Utterly abandoned to the will of God;
Seeking for no other path than my Master trod;
Leaving ease and pleasure, making Him my choice,
Waiting for His guidance, listening for His voice.

Utterly abandoned! no will of my own;
For time and for eternity, His, and His alone;
All my plans and purposes lost in His sweet will,
Having nothing, yet in Him all things possessing still.

Utterly abandoned! 'tis so sweet to be
Captive in His bonds of love, yet so wondrous free;
Free from sin's entanglements, free from doubt and fear,
Free from every worry, burden, grief or care.

Utterly abandoned! oh, the rest is sweet,
As I tarry, waiting, at His blessed feet;
Waiting for the coming of the Guest divine,
Who my inmost being shall perfectly refine.

Lo! He comes and fills me, Holy Spirit sweet!
I, in Him am satisfied! I, in Him complete!
And the light within my soul shall nevermore grow dim
While I keep my covenant- abandoned unto Him!

Author Unknown

I am sure the few of you who still check my blog have realized that I am not writing that much on it anymore. That trend will probably continue. It isn't that there aren't things going in my life. It is just that most of the things are either too boring or too personal to write about. Not to mention that currently my passion for writing appears to be on sabbatical. I am not sure why but that is the way it is. I hope you aren't too disappointed. I'd be surprised if anyone really is but there may be one or two. Thank you for continuing to check to see if I am writing. Perhaps in the near future something will be burning on my soul that I just have to share with you. Right now life is quiet and most of the work being done is internally - between me and the Lord. Good stuff but I guess I am not ready to share at this time. If I get to that point, I will put it on here. If you want to continue corresponding with me, leave me a comment on this note. God bless and thank you for your interest!

"In the pathway of faith we come to learn that the Lord's thoughts are not our thoughts, nor His ways our ways. Both in the physical and spiritual realm, great pressure means great power! Although circumstances may bring us into the place of death, that need not spell disaster- for if we trust in the Lord and wait patiently, that simply provides the occasion for the display of His almighty power. "Remember his marvelous works that he hath done; his wonders and the judgments of his mouth" (Ps. 105:5) Mrs. Charles E. Cowman, Streams in the Desert.

"In the wilderness shall waters break out, and streams in the desert". (Is. 35:6)

Here's to patiently waiting for the Lord to display His Almighty power in 2009. Happy New Year!

Today I was reading in Luke 19 about Christ's triumphant ride into Jerusalem. It struck me how the crowds that were cheering Him and praising Him as He rode in would soon be the ones screaming "Crucify him" with anger and hatred. I wondered at the turn of their hearts so easily. I wonder if it was b/c Jesus didn't give them what they wanted, what they had set their hearts on and so they turned on Him with a vengeance. The people wanted a savior, not of their souls but to free them from Roman rule, from the uncomfortable situation in which they found themselves. I started thinking about how I do the same thing. How I get an idea or a plan or a dream in my heart and I basically tell God how it should be. Or at least I hold fast to it and don't give the Lord room to work and move as He chooses. And when things don't go the way I have set my heart on them to go, I get angry at God. I, in fact, some times turn on him in anger and rage. Even now as I sit here reading and writing I am struggling with this very thing. My life is not where I thought it would be, some of my dreams - precious ones- have not come true and I find it hard not to turn on God b/c He hasn't done things my way. It is incredibly easy to focus on my feelings, my logic, my plans and the circumstances that surround me and become discouraged or upset. I am not living life as I had planned. Here is a key though to not walking down that road. Focus on the truth's of who God is and hold fast to them. It is one thing to say "I believe God is good and He has a plan for me and He will take care of me" when things are going "my" way. It is a whole other ballgame when I am walking an unfamiliar and even unwanted path. That is when trust and faith really show themselves for what they are. I must cling to the truth that God is good and that His plans for me are for my good and my growth. They are not for what I think they should be - my comfort and happiness. But they are good plans coming from the hand of a good God who loves me like no other. So as this time of uncertainty and the unknown continues, I keep resetting my eyes on the One who holds the future and who loves me perfectly. I must not turn on Him - or turn away from Him - when life doesn't go my way b/c His way is the best way. I can't see what is down the road and what I have planned and think is perfect and wonderful may be way off b/c of my limited vision. God help me to stay focused on You and the truths of who You are so that I can let go of all my plans and dreams and grab on to what You have for me.

Wow it has been a very long time since I have written anything on here. I guess maybe it is because there isn't anything profound going on at this time. I haven't traveled anywhere since the end of Oct., I haven't had any major revelations regarding the future and what God wants me to do next, and it is cold in Chicago so I am not real excited about getting out and doing new things. :) But I will say that I have had some wonderful times with family - like Thanksgiving - and am so thankful to be re-establishing and growing friendships. I also have time to spend with the Lord and that is the biggest blessing of all. Not saying that I always use my time wisely but I am grateful for this time of life as strange and uncertain as it is. Well that is it for now I am sorry to tell you. Hopefully next time I write I will have something to say. :) Merry Christmas if I don't "talk" to you before then.