How often did I write from Ghana about holding opposing emotions in tandem? Quite a bit I imagine. Well here I am again... needing to do the same thing. I am overwhelmed with grief, I guess it is, at moving from my home town and my parent's home and at the same time I am excited to make a life and home with Dean. I can't wait for these next two weeks to pass quickly and yet I know that I am going to be homesick despite just being 2 hours from home. Between all this, planning the wedding, family issues, daily life and packing I have to say that I am quite exhausted in mind, body and soul. Emotions hover near the surface. I really just need to sit down and have a good cry but don't have the time or want to exert the energy. Sigh. It will happen and it will be a good thing but not now. I think what I am longing for is some semblance of being settled. It seems that ever since about 2003-2004 I have been moving, living in limbo, dealing with a major life change. I find it rather tiring. And yet wonderful things have happened along the way as they always do b/c God doesn't just leave us wallowing. I look forward to being a wife and homemaker. Shocking in this day and age but there it is. I will need to work part-time at least and that is fine but mostly I want to be his wife, his partner and grow together. The weight of marriage is more clearly defined for me as of late. It isn't just about us being together and being happy and enjoying life. It is a representation of the union of Christ and the Church and there is weight and responsibility that comes with that. In the midst of the joy and companionship and love we are to be a testimony to the Lord and reflect His relationship with us as part of the Church. There is a somberness mingled with the joy and anticipation.

Am I babbling?? Little bit I think. See my mind is cluttered with so much stuff - details, decisions, to-do lists, etc. and so it is hard to truly parse out all that is going on. Hmmmm perhaps some time away from the planning and the moving next week is greatly needed. That sounds like a good stress reliever. A nice sunny day, some beautiful spot in Creation and space to rest and restore. I'll work that in.