Complete ramble

So I have been in the states not quite 3 months yet. It feels like it has been so much longer than that. I am happy to say that the intense anxiety and uneasyness that I was experiencing my first 4-5 weeks here has subsided. Of course that doesn't mean that everything is "in place" and I have all the answers but I can at least go to the mall now and actually buy something without being dazed and confused:) There are things that pop up in my mind at the strangest times that I imagine will always be there - or at least I hope they stay there...and that is the conflict in my mind about how we live in America and how much of the rest of the world lives. Well I guess I can only speak for the parts of Africa that I have lived in as a child and adult but you get what I mean. I am driving around the North Shore suburbia where I live currently and it is so beautiful. Pretty much every yard is perfectly manicured and landscaped, simple strip malls are done in amazing brick and stone with big, fancy entryways...everything is so beautiful and well done. And you know what - I love it. It is so pretty to look at and I often drive around just to see the laid out beauty and then the thought will hit me that much of the rest of the world doesn't live like this. I think of my neighborhood in Ghana where the people live in tiny shacks stacked on top of each other with not much of a yard at all to speak of and if there is some space it is pretty much dirt b/c there isn't money to spend on landscaping, etc. Their lives are centered around existing. These are the thoughts that go through my mind and similar thoughts hit me when I go shopping or eat out or whatever. The dilemma is what to do with these thoughts. One option would be to just shove them away and try to live in ignorance. Another option would be to let the thoughts overwhelm me and cause guilt every time I buy something or enjoy something nice, etc. Personally I am not too excited about either of those options so I look to a third which is much more nebulous but nonetheless viable. I don't want to live with continual guilt and I am pretty sure God doesn't want me to either, but nor do I want to ignore what I have experienced and been exposed to. So what is the third option? Good question. I don't really have a wonderful answer - nor do most of the people that I have talked with about this. Right now when these thoughts come to mind, I sit with them and think about them and talk to God about them. It is once again holding conflicting thoughts in tandem and not supressing or elevating one against the other. The truth is is that we have many wonderful and beautiful things here in America and I don't believe that it is wrong to enjoy them. At the same time we have so much more than those around the world and I keep that in mind as I choose how to spend the money God has blessed me with. I hope that the thoughts provoke me to pray for those who are suffering and barely surviving. I hope that I stop and think and pray before I casually spend money just b/c I can. I hope that overall the experience that I have had of living in a third world culture stays with me throughout my life and impacts my thinking and spending and living in such a way to make me a good steward and yet be able to enjoy the gifts God has given - even something as simple as pretty farmland.

I think that what I have found most challenging to live with is how our lives here are designed towards convenience and how the lives of those I lived near in Ghana are designed for daily survival. Now don't get me wrong there are people who are struggling in the states and there are people in Ghana who are very rich but I am talking about the majority in both areas. And don't think that I don't enjoy the conveniences we have in America. I do. It is just that again it makes me stop and think for a moment about how differently we live from much of the rest of the world. I think this is one of the reasons that a friend said that living abroad "ruins you" for living back in America. Especially living somewhere like Ghana as opposed to Europe. I can't simply squelch what I see and think about the differences. Anyway, just rambling thoughts on this. I certainly don't have it all figured out and so I often ask myself "how does one live here again?"

On a completely different subject...I love fall weather. This is the warmest fall season that I can remember in a long time. I hope that means that winter will be nice too! But all this week it has been in the 70's here and sunny. Usually it is cooler - like the 50's and 60's but still nice. We can still wear shorts and t-shirts which is really rare for this time of year. It is almost October already! And the trees are changing colors in an interesting pattern. I remember that generally they all change fairly close to each other so that the landscape is filled with colors of orange, yellow, red and all shades in between. Just breathtaking. But so far this year it has come in stages so that most of the trees are still green with a fire red or bright orange tree scattered between. Still very nice and I am glad to be here to see it. Of course winter is just around the corner. Ugh - how will I survive it? I am so glad that my warm winter coat was waiting for me here:)

And on yet another different subject...for those of you who don't travel much outside the US I just want you to know that the airlines do a really good job with security for planes coming directly to the states from another country. I don't know if you read about the security measures I went through when leaving Ghana to fly into NY but it was basically the same thing coming back from Brazil. I didn't get the several pat downs like I did coming from Ghana but my carry on was thoroughly checked about 3 times. They really have it down. After all the typical screening we were headed down the gang plank to the plane when the moving line came to a complete stand still for several minutes. There were about 4-5 security agents in the little hallway thing just before getting on the plane making us finish our drinks, opening our carry ons and answering more questions. But the good news is that they are being very careful about planes that fly straight into America from other countries. Today I fly to Memphis from O'hare and it will be nice and easy in comparison. I know it is strange to most people but I really like being at O'hare. I have this little pre-flight routine of getting there early and getting a little snack, maybe finding a good paperback and then just people watching. For some reason I really enjoy the anonymity in the midst of hundreds of people there. I don't appreciate that everywhere just at the airport. How strange am I? :) Why did I just write all that? Hmmm....don't know but there it is. Writer's privilege I guess:)