Strange how quickly emotions rise and fall. Yesterday I wrote about how saying good-bye to a couple of friends was relatively easy b/c I will see them in the states. This morning I woke up and wandered around the house that now has empty rooms and stuff to be packed everywhere and I missed Margaret...and I missed Eva even though I haven't left yet. All this was triggered by looking out the kitchen window and seeing Cat curled up in a ball in the sun. She looked so cute. She waits for me by the window most mornings to throw her out some bread crumbs or something. It is our routine. When I come home and open the gate she is there waiting for me and if I make a particular "sst" sound she knows to follow and I will go get her something to eat. If I don't make it then she just looks at me and goes back to sleep. All this to say that suddenly this morning I am filled with a sadness to leave Ghana...and a bit of trepidation of what might be coming. I get that melancholy feeling about leaving what is now familiar even though often still uncomfortable. Familiarity is a big theme in my life I am seeing more and more. Maybe it is routine. It gives a sense of stability, sameness, consistency in a world where these things are often lacking. I'll be leaving this routine and living in a "chaotic" phase for awhile when I get back home. Chaotic in the sense that no routines will be in place and may take some time to establish since I don't know exactly what I will be doing or where I will be living long-term. For my personality style this is a challenge. But it is good for me also. It helps me to grow and expand my horizons. It certainly helps me to rely on the Lord for never changing stability and consistency.
I just wanted to share what floated through my mind this morning. I see that as the time to leave gets closer the excitement of returning home (while still there in great degree) is being somewhat tempered by the sadness of leaving Ghana and friends here. This past Thursday my team here and a few other friends had a farewell for me. Our director from the US was in Accra and won't be here when I leave so we had the party early. It was very nice and low key - which I was grateful for b/c emotions were closer to the surface than I care to admit:) I think that party has triggered the reality of leaving as the time is drawing close. All of a sudden I think - briefly - "this is so great, why am I leaving again"? But I haven't forgotten why and I am still certain it is the right thing. It's just the reality and challenge of saying good bye. And who knows...maybe I will come back and visit one day. That would be nice. I guess I will be leaving a bit of my heart in Ghana after all. (I hope Jeremy, who is taking over my house, will feed Cat. She really is a cute little thing).
No comments:
Post a Comment